Engaging = Shared Lives

I was the youth minister at a church once when I was the only minister on staff. They brought in an interim pastor, who really only came on Sunday to preach. During this time, I learned to engage the people of the church in a new way.

I began doing funerals.

At first I was terrified. I mean, I'm saying the last official words (whatever that means) about this person, and many of them I didn't even know. So I set out to learn about them from their families. My goal was always to tell the best story about the person I could, and not lie. I wanted more than anything to see a smile from the grieving- it meant I had somehow captured the deceased person's essence for that person. But in order to get there, I had to sincerely engage those in mourning. I had to let them talk, let them open up, and I had to relate to them. I had lost people, too, and I could empathize with them. For the brief time I spent with these families, we connected. Because I connected with the family, I was able to see a picture of this person who I barely knew or knew nothing of at all. I was there the day one sweet elderly lady was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I was there as the family moved toward putting her into hospice care. I was there the morning she passed away, just hours before her final breath. And then, as I stood over her casket, I looked into the eyes of this family I had come to know. I saw their pain, their grief, but also their relief that her suffering was over.

And more than that, I felt it.

When you engage people, even if it is for a short time, there is a sharing of lives. I still remember that family, their faces, their kind words about their mother, and their smiles. I had set out to serve them in their time of need, but they served me. They showed me a valuable lesson about what it truly means to be in the family of God. They helped to mold me into who I am today.

Around this same time, I also learned a valuable lesson about what happens when we don't engage people. Our oldest daughter was going to be brought up for Baby Dedication- a sort of challenge to the church and the parents to pray for a newborn or young child. There were two families, ours and one other. Remember, I was the only minister on staff... and the interim pastor forgot our last name. And forgot my wife's name altogether. He hadn't bothered to really engage us at all. His conversations to me were more like lectures than actual chats. I found that I responded in kind, closing myself off and not caring to hear what he had to say.

The difference here, and it is important for us all to get this, is that for us to engage people- it has to be a two way street. Don't just try to pry yourself into their life, open yours to them. As you engage them, allow them to engage you.

I was reminded of this period of my life today when I read this article on Relevant's website. It is about how social media is a great tool for us as believers and how to best use it. It countered the idea that our constant status updates are narcissistic by stating that really we are sharing for the benefit of others. We are opening our lives, in hopes that they might open theirs.

That we might develop community.

That we might engage.



http://www.relevantmagazine.com/culture/tech/blog/23025-why-social-media-is-good-for-us