Repressive aka Let's Talk About Sex

"The church's stance on murder is just so...archaic."

"I wish the church wouldn't be so against stealing. I mean, come on, it's the 21st century"

"I'd go to church, but I just feel like Christianity's opposition to lying stifles me too much."

Let's be honest, when people accuse the church of being repressive, these arguments are never heard. At least, I've not heard them. Maybe the second one a little in the area of illegal downloads from the internet, but definitely not the first one.

No, when the church is accused of being repressive, its about sex.

It seems the church is far more known for what sex it is opposed to than for the fact that God actually created sex and created it to be a worshipful act. And it is important that we recognize that there is a need for lots of the "rules" the church puts out there, but we need to understand why.

The Rules

Leviticus 18 is chock full of rules, most of them common sense. Like don't sleep with a relative. Apparently, this was a major problem as about 75% of the rules in this chapter deal with that. But it also deals with not sleeping with your neighbor's wife or engaging in bestiality. It touches on not engaging in homosexuality, as well.

Lest that one be relegated to the area of "Well, that was the Old Testament..." Acts 2 comes down pretty hard against men sleeping with men and women abandoning normal relations for "unnatural ones."

It's here that many people start in with the argument that "See the church is being repressive, they don't want me to be me, to have any fun." Which gets us to an interesting point- modern sexuality would have you place your primary identity in your sexual identity. Your entire worldview is colored (including your religion) by whether you are gay, straight, bi-sexual, transgendered, or whatever sexuality you engage in. Your religion, your job, your race- all of these are secondary to your sexuality. That's the perception I see, anyway.

Back to the point- does the church just not want us to enjoy ourselves? Is the church really trying to squash our fun?

Before the rules start flowing in Leviticus 18, we get verse 5:

Keep my decrees and laws, for the person who obeys them will live by them. I am the LORD.

At first glance, it seems the verse is being redundant. Obey these rules and live by them. Isn't that what obeying means, to live by something? But the Bible is fond of using that word 'live' in the context of finding true life. I believe that to be the case here. Obey these rules, and you will find true life.

In fact, I think all the laws are based in that idea- do this to find fulfillment in life. The dietary laws are often pointed out as being out-dated and totally ignored by modern Christians- even the New Testament explicitly spells out that we are free from them. But they were laws that were meant to keep people from eating pork and shellfish that were often ill-prepared, resulting in illness. And I love the taste of bacon, but let's be honest- it will kill you. Eventually.

So, I believe the laws of the Bible are not about keeping us from fun and enjoyment. God, who created us and knows us inside and out, is saying that His way is the best way to live. It's the way to find life.

( A side note. Google Oxytocin. It's this chemical that is released in nursing mothers to bond their child to them, and them to the child. It's called the "cuddle chemical." It is also released during sex to bond the partners together. For a long time, the church has said that sex is more than a physical act and that there is no such thing as casual hook-ups. It is a spiritual connection. Now science is saying that sex is in fact an act that bonds, in a profound way, two people together. And who says the Church is Anti-Science. ;) )

Let's Talk About Sex

The church has rightfully been accused of not talking about sex. Because it hasn't. The only time Christians talk about sex is to say "Don't do it. Unless your married. And even then, only if you really have to."

But God is not silent on sex. For instance, Song of Solomon. All about romantic love. Even sex. Seriously, some of the wording in that book would fit in romance novel of the adult variety- with an agrarian theme of course.

Outside of that, sex is prevalent in much of the Old Testament, and shock of all shocks, heroes of the Bible like David, Ruth and Boaz, and Esther engage in not exactly holy acts of sex.

Which bring us to a vital point. Even if you have engaged in sex in a manner that is not holy or acceptable to God- promiscuity, adultery, pre-marital sex, homosexuality, etc.- you are not hell-bound or totally useless to God. Jesus offers us who would judge an example on how to act, and those of us who have made mistakes hope for redemption in John 8.

A woman is caught in adultery. A death penalty sin, according to the law. Yet Jesus will not condemn her to death, and protects her from the legalistic mob drooling for her blood. As they walk away, Jesus asks her who where her accuser are. She says that they've left. Jesus says, in verse

Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.”

We are not to condemn, but forgive and encourage the person to move on from that life. Not because we want them to conform to our standards and rules, but because we genuinely believe God's commands, and that they are the way to better life.

There is much in the world of sex. Questions will always arise about what is acceptable to God and what isn't. If the Bible doesn't speak on it directly, then I believe it is a question you can ask only of God and your partner. If you are person who is engaged in a sexual lifestyle that is- as defined by the Bible- a sin, then I believe you and God must have a talk. My job is not to condemn you, for what I view as your sin is no greater or worse than any of my own. I am in just as much need for forgiveness as everyone else.

I'm planning a follow-up piece here in a few days, dealing not specifically with sex, but with the general idea that the Church is repressive, I'll have more to say there.

How Do You Define Purity?

You ever had someone tell you not to think about a pink elephant? 

Or tell you that whatever you do, do not scratch your nose?

The funny thing is, as soon as you are told to avoid those things, its all you can think about.  It's basic psychology really, the more we are told what not to do, the more we want to do it.  Maybe 'basic psychology' is the wrong terminology- 'basic human nature' is better.  It seems since the beginning of recorded history, we go out of our to do what we are told not to do.  It's more than John Locke from Lost screaming, "Don't tell me what I can't do!" out of hurt pride, it's about curiosity, about testing ourselves, about feeding something inside us.

For a long time, and to an extent even now, Christianity has been known for telling people what not to do.  "Don't drink,dance, smoke or chew, or hang around with those who do," was a kind of unofficial motto of lots of churches.  Not that there is anything wrong with knowing what behaviors are wrong, mind you.  God has lots of things He wants us to have no part of, and we need to know those things and adhere to His commands completely.  The problem is that the our focus falls more on the "No's" of Christianity than the "Yes's."

No where has this been more evident, I believe, than the Purity movements.  True Love Waits was the most known in my circles, and it was a good program.  Well, it's heart was in the right place.  The problem with many of these things is they spend a good portion of their time telling students of the evils of sex outside of marriage. (Sexual purity is really just a small part of the larger Purity picture, but it gets the lion's share of attention.)

Numerous studies have appeared indicating that True Love Waits and other abstinence programs aren't working so well.  What has happened with that data is that lots of folks are jumping to the conclusion that it is impossible for people to abstain from sex until they are married.  The taboo or "No" action is just too tempting, they would say. 

And they are not wrong.

Well, not totally.  The truth is, in the current way we deal with all areas of purity- not just sexual- the focus is on what NOT to do, instead what TO do.  We have advertised and promoted how bad an action is, and we have made it magnetically attractive to that basic human nature that wants to do what someone has told it it can't do.  Our system is doomed to fail.

Now, a system that is working right now is gold.  I know, you're wondering what the heck gold has to do with purity, other than some of those rings are made of it.  Here's the thing about gold- people want it pure.  Pure gold is a - forgive the pun- goldmine right now.  An ounce is worth more than $1800 an ounce.  Everyone is talking gold.  No one is talking about the stuff that was melted out of the gold. 

"There are just over 30 grams in a Troy ounce, and at 5 grams/ton, you're looking at 30 divided by 5 or 6 tons of ore to recover that (Troy) ounce of gold from ore with a grade of 5 grams/ton."

(http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_many_tons_of_ore_contain_one_ounce_of_gold#ixzz1VrMRJtP4)

There is 5 or 6 TONS of other junk (depending on the grade of the ore) that must be smelted away to get the good stuff- the pure stuff.  My point is this- the focus with gold is on the pure stuff, not the stuff that gets in the way of the pure stuff.  The reason is that the gold is what we value vastly more than the rest of the ore.

The problem with the call to purity in the church is not that we are calling for it, it is that we are calling for it in the negative, by telling you all about the 5 or 6 tons of junk you need to get rid of, instead of elaborating on the ounce of purity that is so valuable. We spend more time praying against the sins in our lives than we do praying for the purity. 

We have place our emphasis on the lesser thing.

 It is not the things taken away from a nugget of gold that make it pure, the gold's purity is an intrinsic thing.  You just have to get the other stuff out of the way to see it. 

True purity is not defined by what we need to lack, but by what we need to possess that is of true value. 

Matthew 5:8 tells us: "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God."  Here is the call to purity I want to embrace.  That if I seek purity, that gold amidst the mess, then I will see God.  The promise is not that I will be master over my desires, that will be able to check off a list of things I don't do.  The promise is a positive- that I will see God.  That I will be in His presence, that I will know Him more purely.

I believe that when we are living to seek God, the sins we worry about, the things that keep us impure, they will be burned away more and more by His presence.  We do need to be aware of our sins, and acknowledge them.

But we need to focus more on God, than on them.