I Love to Hate You

Hate has got to be the most volatile four-letter word in existence. We reserve it for those special people or groups that really piss us off. We talk of hate speech being the one type of speech that should never be free. Hate is never talked about as a passive thing, we speak the words, "I HATE YOU!" only with venom that could strike its object dead if it were liquid.

But I am beginning to wonder if even though we say we reserve our hatred for extreme cases, we aren't actually filled with hate more often than we'd care to admit. I think it is almost a daily thing for me to see on Facebook someone who is spewing more than a simple distaste for someone- usually not named- or is feeling as though they themselves are being despised. I think about conversations I have, and though I might not think what I say is hateful or even mean spirited- do others think that in fact, it is?

Can hate be hate, even if it is unintended?

For instance, I often see Christians who oppose something, say homosexuality, called hate mongers. Truth is, some are, but I've also seen many people who simply say they disagree with the lifestyle labeled as bigots, or my favorite misnomer- homophobes. Is the perception that they are hateful making them so? On the flip side, is the accuser also not being hateful when they level bitter diatribes at their opponent?

They've said for a long time that politcs and religion are never safe topics, but it seems that is more true today than ever. People who believe the same in 98% of the same ideals and passions can go at each others throats over the fact that one has a D and the other has an R by their name. Sure, we say we're open minded to the other side, but how often do we immediately dismiss an idea simply because of the party it comes from? Sadly, I admit I often do.

Does this growth of hatred- and that is what I see growing in our nation- stem from righteous anger that has been perverted by selfishness? I think some of it has. I'm not advocating we stick to a plan of moral or idealogical neutrality. In fact, I push for totally the opposite. There are most definitely some things that are indisputable, and on those we must take a stand, draw a line, and defend them. But it is all in how we defend them that makes the difference between hatred- perceived or intended- and reasonable disagreement.

Have you ever been accused of dismissing someone's differing view? Have you ever been accused of being closed minded? Has anyone ever told you that you were harsh or appeared unkind? We must ask these questions of ourselves, and stare into the eye of the truth it reveals. Until we realize our tendency toward hatred or even toward self-righteousness (by the way, the difference in these two things is by mere degrees), and address this fatal flaw, we will continue to tear down every relationship we encounter.

We will disagree. This is good and healthy. But when we realize that we disagree with someone, we must be delicate, and kind, never harsh, overly critical, or dismissive. There are times a relationship will have to end because the disagreement is so vast, so problematic that the heart of the relationship is diseased. Too often though, the sickness is curable, if we work gently.

I'm not perfect, and I have failed at this endeavor more than I have succeeded. I'm learning to listen more to people who disagree with me, and to not respond with a knee-jerk reactions built by lifelong worldviews, political affiliations, and prejudices. I know what I believe, and I know where I stand on things, but I need not be a bully about this. I need to realize that the person I disagree with probably believes what they believe due to a deeply personal experience- just like how I came to my belief. My anger will not change their mind, nor will theirs mine.

Hate will only lose its hold on this world, when we lose our hold on hate.