Where Do We Go From Here?

It was September, 2008.

The Gate had started with a handful of people. Literally, like five of us gathered in our living room. And that had gone on for a few months, but now, it was clear, we needed to go public. A couple weeks before we wanted to start, we still had no place to meet when Hurricane Harry's called us back. The rest of that is history. Then, Hurricane Ike hit, and evacuees staying at Reed Arena kept Breakaway from meeting there- and Breakaway was the venue we chose to tell the world (or, well, Texas A&M and Blinn students) about us. We were postponed 2 or 3 times before that first night at Harry's, but when it finally got set in stone we were meeting that Sunday late in September, we realized we still needed a worship leader. We got one the Friday before that Launch Sunday.

The big night came, and nothing went right during set-up. The sound system at Harry's was incompatible with our stuff. The video wouldn't work. We began to panic. That first night we had 19 people. Some were friends coming to support us, but over half would become regular Gate people. Over the next three years, people came and went, we built a core group, and leaders were forged. Our style changed, we've had four sets of regular worship leaders, we've moved our spot in Harry's at least four times. But some of the people had been there up from the start.

Now, as 2012 is about to kick off, we have graduated the last of the original members of the Gate. The only originals are Kristin and I (and our kids). Essentially, we have had a 100% turnover rate.

Just like we planned.

In the last few weeks, I've been hearing from some our current members, curious about our direction and sudden leadership vacuum. When talking with other ministers and other Christian friends, I am often asked- either inherently or implicitly- the same question: Where does the Gate go from here?

My response has been to smile, and lean back just a little, and say: Now, we experiment.

From the start, one of the exciting things about The Gate has been that we have a chance to start fresh every semester, and about every four years we have a whole new church. It keeps us fresh, it keeps us expectant, and it keeps us busy. We cannot afford to rest and let the people come to us, we must now, more than ever, go to the people. Meeting in a bar is not enough- we must be proactive in sharing Christ. But more than that, we must offer the message of Christ in a unique way that stays true to the TRUTH of Christ, but is able to connect with a generation more than a little cynical about all things Christian.

I've been reading a book, called "You Lost Me" by David Kinnaman. It's a book about 18-29 year olds and the way they are mass-exodusing the church these days. He talks about three types of groups that these folks break down in to. Prodigals no longer call themselves Christians and pursue other faiths. Nomads still call themselves Christians, but are disconnected from faith communities and active lives for Christ. The last group is Exiles, and they are the ones who are still devoted to Christ- as much or more than most regular church-goers. But, they find that the human institution of church is failing and at points hindering them. They are scientists, artists, creatives, and new-thinkers, and the church (in their view) has stifled and downright ignored their passions. Even when those passions are attempting to reach those who need Christ.

I share this little book review because these Prodigals, Nomads, and Exiles are who the Gate has come to College Station for. But now, we need to be the Exiles. We need to be artists, creators, innovators, scientists. We need to learn not how to be good Christians at church, but how to be good Christians in the lab, the class, the law firm, and the dump truck. We need to learn how to share Christ with more than just our memorized verses and hollow platitudes. In fact, to reach this generation, we need to forget the platitudes and bumper sticker theology altogether. And Scripture- which is still sharper than a double edged sword- has no meaning to the masses if we don't provide living examples of it. They want to see it in action, not just hear it repeated to them again.

So, how does that new vision coincide with what has gone on on the road so far?

God provides.

It will probably be last minute. It will probably come from an unexpected source. It most likely won't look exactly like we expect.

But it will be undeniably God.

I've heard that trying to closely follow God is like trying to ride a wild stallion or hang onto the tail of a comet. It's dangerous, it's exhilarating , and it is scary. But to succeed in it is amazing. So where does the Gate go from here?

We're gonna find out what its like to ride the tail of a comet.

Being Miserable at Your Job for God's Glory

The other day, I was having lunch with Craig, a local pastor, and we were talking about ministry and "the call." We both agreed that a calling to full time ministry means that you will be miserable doing anything else- because if God calls you to serve, that's where He wants you.

I thought a lot about this over the last few days, in the midst of being miserable at my day job, and decided it is so true. Yet, there is, as always, an exception. What if God calls you to a ministry, but that ministry can't pay you?

When we started the Gate, I knew that I would have to become bi-vocational, and I was OK with that. In the early days, it was pretty easy to balance the two, especially since my day job offered a great flexibility. I could work through lunch and be able to meet people for coffee in the afternoon and still have time for family in the evenings. The job was low stress (other than the fact that being a legal assistant in delinquent tax law means all I do is research, and I hate research) and the pay was good. On the Gate side, we were still in high single digits to barely teens, so there wasn't as much time needed for that.

Over three years later, much of that has changed. The Gate is running in the mid-twenties with great potential to grow this spring- despite there being NO advertising at all this last semester aside from word of mouth. I'm scheduled to be meeting with three guys one-on-one on a weekly to semi-weekly schedule, plus I'll be meeting with the worship leader, when we find them. (They're not lost, we just need a new one due to graduation.) With Wally stepping back from the church, there are many things he did that I now have to do- they're small, but they are things like setting up slides for the messages. Also, with growth, there is a need growing to put our church in action like it never has been before- we need to be going, and going hard to the community around us. With the Wellborns gone, as well as our biggest graduating class ever, we are at a point where we have to take risks, and we have to spend time growing leaders to fill gaps.

I've not been this excited about the Gate since we started her. The possibilities are keeping me filled with hope and expectation and vision.

But my day job, that thing I keep so I can pay the bills, is killing me. I still have that freedom part, but with the increased needs of the Gate, it's not enough. The pay has stayed about the same as when I started, so that's no good. And the stress part? Let's just say there are certain elements in play that necessitated an early Christmas present punching bag for relief.

I'm not doing the Gate full-time, and I'm miserable.

I've looked at getting another job, but I realize now that nothing will allow me the freedom to do the Gate and the salary to pay the bills. Nothing, that is, aside from working for the Gate. The problem is, the Gate has about enough money to pay rent at the bar and handle a few miscellaneous needs that arise here and there. The Gate has never asked for money outside of itself, and so far, God has provided for the needs we have. But now, we sit at a point where we need God to up the provision.

I'd love to have someone donate the money to pay me full time and have enough left over to fulfill some of the needs we have like paying the rent and upgrading equipment that is growing old and funding mission opportunities. I want the Gate to grow, and reach people and be light to the campus of A&M and the cities of BCS. I need more time to devote to that, and the funds to support the ideas God is growing in me and in the people of our church.

And so, we're back to the start of this blog- that a person called to serve God full-time will be miserable if they do anything else. I am called to the Gate, yet I must work in tax law to be able to serve the Gate and reach people for Christ. I'm a "tentmaker" like Paul.

This is my trial.

But this, this is my hope:

"In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls." ----1 Peter 1:6-9

If I must be miserable as a legal assistant so that I may know the joy of seeing God work in the lives of the people the Gate reaches, then so be it.

I need more time to devote to the Gate, but until I have it, I will take your prayers. Because with them, it is not just the Gate and I who reaps their blessing, it is you as well. For your prayers are what give the Gate and I support. Support when we are stressed, support when we are down, support when things don't go well. But you will also rejoice with us when God brings victory, salvation, and hope.

And though we might have trouble seeing Him now, I believe in Him- and that gives me joy.

Things, They Are A-Changin'

Every semester means we lose some people.

Graduation is all at once joyous and sad for us at the Gate- and most churches with college students in them. We're excited to see the future unfold for the students graduating, and anxious to see where God takes them and to what He takes them. But, it means our time with them is done. Sure, they may come back and visit, but they are now off to join another body of believers, or perhaps, begin their own church.

Being a church that is north of ninety percent college student brings its own set of issues with graduation. While we have always said that the cool thing about it is we get to start over ever semester with fresh faces, the truth is there is always a bit of concern:
"What if we can't replace those we lose?"

Not just their numbers, but their impact. When a church is small, each member leaves more impact than they realize. We've lost impact members before- but at a trickle.

This December, it's coming as a flood.

We say goodbye to Chris Hill. Chris is about as close to an original member as we get these days. He's been vital to us in running sound and helping with set up. He offered his heart so often, willing to help and provide advice on so much. He liked us so much he stuck around for grad school! He was also instrumental in bringing people to the Gate. Which leads us to...

...Katherine Metz. She started coming because of Chris, and she grew into our planner. Without her, the Gate would have no student organization. She took that initiative on herself and ran with it. She kept us organized more than we'd like to admit.

Daniel Hall walked in on a Sunday we weren't expecting anyone to show up. Before long, he was in the worship leader rotation. That will teach someone to randomly show up to our church on a low attendance day. Daniel brought heart and sincerity with him each time he came.

Jared Egli and Maddie McBrayer get joint mention because, well they came together. They got involved in everything very quickly, and soon became leaders before we had time to recognize and try to equip them to be leaders. They spent their last semester with us leading worship, and doing great. Now, they are getting married in a month or so. (Disclaimer: the Gate can take no credit for that, they were already getting married when we met them.)

These folks were blessings to us while they were with us- perhaps more than they know. But this year, they are not the only loss to the Gate.

Wally and Christine Wellborn are stepping aside from leadership at the Gate. The Wellborns have been friends of Kristin and I since college, and our co-leaders of the Gate since inception. Wally served as small group coordinator, Gate Crashers coordinator, worship-leader-as-needed, sound guy, and tech guy, among many other things. Christine worked with the women, helped with children's activities when needed, and was often the voice of reason when ideas grew a bit outlandish.

God is calling them on from us, though they will still be around in the background, and I am sure, still praying for us. As we will for them, and all the graduates. Where ever God may take them, I know they will be a blessing to that ministry.

So the big question is, what is next? The small answer is: Change. The Gate has always viewed itself as a place of transition- a gate is not a place so much as a space between places, just like college is a space between childhood and adulthood- and this is no different. Bigger change, definitely, but change nonetheless.

With slightly more elaboration, the change coming means this: Students no have NO choice but to step up and lead. If the Gate is to remain, students will be the leaders of it. Yeah, Kristin and I will still be around in our usual roles, but the students we've always told they were vital to our church are all the more so now. We need your commitment, your vision, your passion, your time, your friends, your tithe, your ideas, your missions, and your leadership.

As I believed in Chris, Katherine, Daniel, Jared, Maddie, Wally and Christine- and all those others gone before them, I believe in you. Many of you are already leading, and you don't know it yet. The Gate has always been and will always continue to be the church for college students where you don't just "do" church, you ARE the church.

There is risk in the future for the Gate.

But it is a risk that is worth taking for all of us who already belong to the Gate, and for those yet to find us.

Let's take this transition together.

The Hike

Sometimes, a road seems so long that you grow weary, and you wonder why you ever set out on it in the first place. You question whether your commitment to the path is really worth the effort. Sure, you enjoy the scenery, and you get a good workout from the hike, but those 'rewards' seem small compared to the fact that you've been walking for a while and no big milestones have been passed yet. So, you stop, sit, and flirt with the notion of giving up.

Other hikers walk by, coming from some other trails, and tell you the hike is worth it. You appreciate their kind words, but they haven't been walking with you, they don't know what you've been through. There are other hikers, ones who have been following you, but they'e been quiet, watching you and seeing what you do. Some have been with you from the start, they are tired, too. Others have been picked up along the way, and have a little more pep to them. It is one of them, or a chorus of them that speaks up, and says what you've needed to hear, but never knew it:

"You have made my hike a little better."
"You've made me feel like I belong to this hiking tour like no other hiking tour ever has."

"I feel closer to the summit than I ever have before, and couldn't have done it without you."

"You've changed the way I view hiking."

Your heart stirs, the weariness fades a bit, and the path no longer looks so daunting. You will carry on, buoyed by the encouragement of the people following you.

For a while now, I've been tired. I've seen God doing small things in the ministry He's called me to, but for whatever reason, it hasn't seemed good enough. At least, not good enough to impassion me. It's been a yo-yo of spirituality for me for the last few years, and I'm pretty sure the up and down isn't done yet. But just a few days ago, I'd had enough. I wasn't hearing encouragement from God- it seemed- and the bright spots I'd even recently spotted were seeming dim. So I told God- "I need something. I need to know what I've pursued with the Gate matters, that it's worth something. That I matter."

That hit me Thanksgiving night, and I sat down, and threw a pity party. I was ready to stop the hike. I was consumed with anxieties and fears about church, job, life, and everything. I was angry at God, and didn't know why. So I called Him out.

Then, Sunday night. We had our last night of Storytellers, a series we'd been doing at church where we invited the folks that make up our church the chance to share their story, or a message they felt God had laid on their heart. The other two nights had been great, Maddie had taught a great message about letting God take away your anxieties and fears. Evan shared about how God had used the Gate to lead him closer to God than he'd been, and Bethany shared about how God has His hand in things in ways that can surprise- and save- us. Last night, Amy shared about how God led us to realize how little we are in control, but that it's a good thing. Andy shared how one person can make a difference, even if it seems small at the time, to change things in a big way. And Sara closed us out with a message of hope that God can heal our brokenness.

I still didn't fully have the theme God was teaching me yet. I'm slow like that.

This morning, I felt the need to listen to Mumford & Sons. I clicked on their first album on Grooveshark and let it play. While the music played, I was chatting with Daniel, who encouraged me unexpectedly with a sledgehammer of hope- God was using me. There was a difference being made through me, despite my fears, anxieties and failings as a follower of Christ.

Then, the lyrics to the Mumford & Sons pierced my heart:

"So tie me to a post and block my ears
I can see widows and orphans through my tears
I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears"

And

"So make your siren's call

And sing all you want
I will not hear what you have to say

Cause I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be"

God cares. And what I've learned is that we need to listen to Him, and we need to listen to the words of others when they encourage. We need to offer it freely as well. Sometimes when we don't 'hear God,' the door that opens to that comes from listening to those hiking with us. As pastors, we need to let those in our care share what God is doing in their lives- you'll be surprised how often it's more than you think. And people need to tell their leaders when they have made a difference in their lives. Pastors need to encourage their flock- and not just from the pulpit (or bar floor).

I don't think we realize how often we all need a kind word from someone else. After all, God's kindness is what leads us to repentance. Makes sense that His followers acting out that aspect of His character would have a similar result.

This morning, a combination of the words from Storytellers ringing in my ears, an encouraging Facebook chat, and Mumford & Sons brought me to tears- and closer to God. So, I put my pack back on, stood to my feet, and resumed my hike. My hope and prayer is that I lead well those who go along with me. That when they grow weary, I give hope, and when I falter again, they again lift me up.
The journey is long, but it is worth it. But only if we go together.

Attack of the Killer Thanksgiving Turkey

I was meeting with Andy- a young man from our church- yesterday, and after discussion over the scripture we were reading, Andy asked me a potent question:

"Why is the church OK with Thanksgiving?"

At first, I wasn't really sure there was anything 'wrong' with Thanksgiving. But Andy continued explaining his question, until finally, he arrived at this analogy (paraphrased):

"So, someone from church invites everyone over to Thanksgiving dinner, where we all over eat, and no one has a problem with it. But what if I announced that after the dinner, everyone come over to my house and we'll have a kegger?"

I've been meeting with Andy for a while now, and have come to learn he asks good questions that catch me off guard. This is a good thing.

What I think Andy is getting at is that Thanksgiving has little to do with giving thanks and lots to do with gluttony. And why would we as Christians be OK with overeating, but violently opposed to drunkenness? Really, it's the same kind of sin, just with a different ingredient. And both are Biblical called out as sin.

Thanksgiving is under attack by a giant, Killer Turkey.

Maybe this is just me, but when was the last time you actually "gave thanks" on Thanksgiving- aside of course from an obligatory prayer before chowing down on that awesome poultry and stuffing? Andy's problem with Thanksgiving is more that it's not about thanks- it's about gluttony. And we the Church promote it by not calling it out. And by not being actually thankful. We must fight back against the monster Turkey in the room.

So first- don't overeat. Put down the turkey leg and walk away. It is the same as getting drunk, having an affair, or killing someone. All sins being equal, as I believe they are. Enjoy your turkey, but in moderation. It will be hard for me, too.

Now, no one wants to be the guy who pulls the old "Everybody say something they're thankful for" shtick at dinner Thursday. I know I don't. So, instead of being that guy- or girl- start now. Yeah, I know people on Facebook are doing the "Today I'm thankful for..." thing, which is good, but I'm not persistent enough with that sort of stuff. After about a week, I'd just be trying to figure out what to post, and would have lost the point by that time. It'd just be a routine, not real, for me.

Here's my plan: I will post a few things I'm thankful for now on this blog. You can share yours in the comments section or at the Facebook link that sent you here. And as you sit Thursday, enjoying your turkey and dressing, maybe you'll think about the things you posted.

And be thankful.

Thus thwarting the Attack of the Killer Thanksgiving Turkey for another year. But watch out for the Attack of the Giant Stack of Presents Under the Christmas Tree.

What I'm thankful for (in no particular order):

1. My wife, Kristin. She seriously puts up with a lot from me, and not just cheesy jokes. Plus she is an amazing mother to our kids, and a true blessing to me.

2. Speaking of them- Leslie and Kenna, our kids. They always make me smile, and beam with pride. They are pretty good kids, and good enough other people see it. They are smart and talented- in different ways. And sometimes they listen to what I say.

3. That A&M is bowl eligible before we play Texas. That could have ended badly.

4. That my Mom and Mother-in-law get along super well. Sometimes a little too well, and they gang up on Kristin and I. But they are also great people and we love them dearly for all they do for us.

5. That our church the Gate has some awesome people really maturing in their faith. They are leading out and speaking up, and it is cool to watch it happen.

6. The Amazon wishlist. Makes shopping so much easier.

7. God's unending pursuit of me. Even when I'm not looking, He shows up and scare the heck out me. But it also reminds me that He loves me jealously.

8. How He Loves- any version, by any artist. Enough said.

9. Lost, Batman Begins and The Dark Knight, Supernatural, Friends, Lord of the Rings, A Time to Kill and any other movie or TV show that inspires me and- totally inadvertently- has a tendency to speak God's truth to me. So glad God uses things like this to talk to me.

10. For the rest of the people in my life who did not get name dropped, but still inspire and challenge me with tough questions, and relationships that are more than just acquaintances.

Seeing the Dark, or How to Keep Stress from Eating You

There have been times when I will wake up in the middle of the night, and the dark is so deep that I get disoriented. I forget where the lamp by my bedside is, where the door is, which way is which. Having lost all sense of direction, a slight sense of panic will briefly arise and I'll kind of flail about trying to find my bearings (and possibly hitting my wife) in an effort to regain control of my faculties. These incidents last maybe ten or fifteen seconds, but they seem like an eternity. Finally, my eyes will adjust, my sensibilities return, my wife asks, "What'd you do that for?" and normalcy and sleep soon return.

In the midst of the panic, it's not just my senses that are scrambled, its my thinking. All the things that give me comfort or security are still right where they once were, but I am unable to recognize them, or even see them as they are. The reason?

I can only see the dark.

Crazy, right? I mean, the dark isn't an object you can see, it's more of a concept. It's not really even a color. But in those moments of...whatever that is, it becomes almost tangible, almost alive, and it can be terrifying.

Now, before you write me off as a big baby who is afraid of the dark, remember this is for like fifteen seconds. I actually love the dark, and like walking in it- on my terms, which these cases are most definitely not.

Also, I'm seeing these episodes as a metaphor for some current things I'm dealing with, and probably so are a lot of others.

When a kid is afraid of the dark, what they are really afraid of is what is IN the dark that will come out and get them. The dark is a cover for truly nefarious things. As an adult we don't believe in monsters, but we do believe there are bad things in the dark- things we can't see at the moment, but we know are there.

Like stress.

Bills we know are coming. That conversation that we know we must have. Obligations that need to be met. Responsibilities to be undertaken. Consequences that are going to fall. Then, sometimes these inevitables are eclipsed by the true terrors- possibilities.

Let's face it, good possibilities rarely keep us up at night, but the possibility, the fear that tomorrow you get fired, or someone you love gets hurt, or a tornado could hit- these spring your eyes wide open.

And they are irrational.

The problem I've had lately is that these stressors- real and imagined- have become the dark. THEY are what I see, and no amount of flailing about trying to find my comforts and safeties has worked. Because I see the problem, and not the solution.

In the last few weeks, I think I've wanted to see the problem more than the solution. It makes no sense, but by wallowing in the problems I see ( and being incapacitated by them) feels easier than trying to see the solutions. Maybe it's anxiety or a mental thing, or maybe it's a spiritual one. Or both.

Two things have happened in the last 24 hours that have begun to clear the dark for me, and hopefully it can for you if you've been 'seeing the dark.'

1) Last night, our church had Restoration, a our communion service made up of lots of music, low lights, and stories of thankfulness shared by people. One person, Ashley, spoke of the need for us to just talk about how much we love Jesus, and how good He is to us more often. Usually, I write that kind of talk off as "Sunshine and Rainbows" talk, but not the way Ashley put it. There was a truth to it- a truth because she meant it, felt it, experienced it and knew it. She was not reciting some mantra the church taught her, she was speaking out of the overflow of what God was doing in her heart. By the way, that's called worship. So, thanks Ashley for sharing that we need to see God instead of the problems, if you'll forgive my paraphrasing and co-opting there.

2) Spurred on by that seed planted last night, I turned the I-pod on to "How He Loves," Crowder's radio version. I turned to that song mostly because God usually speaks louder when I listen to that song over others. Not sure why, other than it is one of the more heartfelt worship songs I've ever heard. In the midst of an always moving song, there is the lyric:

When all of a sudden
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realise just how beautiful You are
And how great Your affections are for me

I recognized my problem was that I was all too aware of my 'afflictions.' They were the dark I could see, all that I could see. As if to accentuate the point, around the time this lyric went by, the sun broke through an overcast morning sky to shine on my face, startling me. See, God talks louder when you listen to the David Crowder Band.

That's the key to getting this. You either see your problems (your dark) or you see His affections for you. You cannot SEE them both. I'm not saying feeling loved by God makes your problems go away- it doesn't. But it so eclipses them that they are gone from pressing hard on your mind. You are not trapped by them, not in a panic over them.

For me, it is a choice I have to make constantly- do I see the dark, or do I see the glory and affection of God? Generally, if I want to feel in control, I try to see the dark. Which is ironic, because when I see the dark, I am in no way anywhere near the vicinity of in control.

But if I want peace? I let the dark be eclipsed by God's glory. I look at the love He has shown me, and trust in that.

Someone Has to be the Blind Guy.

The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,[a]
to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God,
to comfort all who mourn,
and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy
instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness,
a planting of the LORD
for the display of his splendor.

---Isaiah 61: 1-3

Several years ago, I was really into John Eldredge of Wild at Heart book fame. In one of his books, he uses this passage often, and kinda as a theme for the book. He poses that this passage, which Jesus quotes for His first public message, is a rallying cry for us to be rescuers of people, to be God's agents going out and helping people discover true life.

I ate that up.

And, I agree wholeheartedly with the idea. We are called to imitate Christ, we are told by Jesus that we have authority to do all sorts of crazy spiritual superheroics. And as long as we recognize that it is not we who do the deep down, soul rescuing (only God can do that), I think this is a good mindset to have. Christians who have changed the world no doubt live by this idea- whether they realize it or not. William Wilberforce who fought to end slavery is a perfect historical example, but we need not look any further than the Christians who today are digging water wells in Africa ( www.bloodwatermission.com ), or working in poor areas of America taking care of the sick, or leading movements to bring attention to the sex slave trade ( www.redthreadmovement.org ) or child soldiers ( www.invisiblechildren.com ). And why stop there- there are student missionaries in our colleges, neighbors who share Christ out of their pores, and quite possibly you yourself live this out.

I know I try to. It's not easy, and sometimes, it gets to be almost too much for anyone. Sometimes we falter, we fail, and we get trapped. Sometimes we just burn out.

The other day, I looked this passage up, largely because I was finding myself drawn to the "beauty for ashes" part. As I read it, I noticed something for the first time in a long time.

Someone has to be the blind guy.

I spent so much time focusing on this as a mantra for living the "on-fire for Jesus" lifestyle, that I neglected to realize that this passage is hope for the poor, the blind, the brokenhearted, and the prisoners. Someone is coming to rescue them. Then it dawned on me.

Sometimes, I'm the blind guy.

Sometimes, I need to be rescued, need to be given sight. I'm not always the crusading rescuer, I am often the captive in need of salvation. Be that from the ambassador of Christ that is my friend, or from the presence of Christ Himself, speaking hope to me.

I don't always have it together. Sometimes I can't see clearly, or I'm caught in a trap of my own design. If I am too prideful to admit it, I will not accept help when it comes.

I just need to admit I am the ashes, and that the only way beauty can arise from me is if Christ does His work in me. In order to be the rescuer, I must first be rescued.

Brokenness is a thing we must all know, so that we are made better. We who have been blind and can now see can better rescue the blind (I'm speaking metaphorically here). And the same is true for those former captives and poor.

If we want to be the kind of Christ follower that is revolutionary, it starts with realizing we need His rescue- not just once, but often.

Sympathy for the Devil

Just call me Lucifer
Cause I'm in need of some restraint
So if you meet me
Have some courtesy
Have some sympathy, and some taste
Use all your well-learned politesse
Or I'll lay your soul to waste, um yeah
Pleased to meet you
Hope you guessed my name, um yeah
But what's puzzling you
Is the nature of my game

--The Rolling Stones, "Sympathy for the Devil"

Man, the devil makes a great villain, doesn't he?

He scares us to death in the Exorcist and Dante, and periodically shows up in more modern fare as the Big Bad of a movie or television show. We seem to be getting away from the devil as cartoon, and getting more to this kind of devil: seductive, persuasive, and deadly.

Satan is real. And he is good at what he does. And what he does is set the table for us to sin, and make it look good. There is no "devil made me do it" junk- he just offers.

Look at Luke 4 and see that he offers some attractive stuff to Jesus. What's more, he has the power to give it. Jesus, however, sees the strings attached, and knows what's good and in God's plan. He turns down a lucrative offer.

You and I don't get a face to face with the Prince of this world, that old fallen angel/snake/accuser. At least, not in such an obvious way. He is there- or, at least his demonic buddies are. Behind every temptation is a hope of Satan to kill your relationship with God. He can't snatch you from the Lord's hand, but he can take your intimacy with God and make you miserable in this life. If you let him.

I'm not a "demon around every corner" kind of guy- sometimes bad things and bad people just happen. I believe that often, when we give in to temptation so much, the instigator of that desire is our own sinful nature, not so much a dark whisper in the ear. Sort of an automatic start for sin.

In the movies, getting rid of Satan means learning Latin, buying a crucifix, and stocking up on Holy Water. Sometimes I wish fighting Satan were so tangible, that he were more like a monster that could be dispatched with the right formula of weapon and words. The true way to defeat Satan puts the power not in some talisman or phrase- but in God.

Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.-- James 4:7

It means, give yourself to God. Then, and only then, can you have the strength to do what comes next- resist. Without God in your life, the Rolling Stones are right, Satan will "lay your soul to waste."

It is a serious error to ignore that Satan is real and is powerful. It is equally serious to give him too much credit. He is defeated. He is limited. He is only capable of doing what God allows- and what we give him permission to do.

So, please- no sympathy for the devil. Just resistance.

Preceded and surrounded by submission to God.

Birthday Wishes

So tomorrow is my birthday.

When you have kids, and when those kids have birthdays the same week as yours, you kinda fade to the background. I've gotten used to it now, and sort of like the fact it doesn't get noticed as much. Even with this 'birthday anonymity' I still have wishes, and since I get no candles to blow out, here they are:

Freedom

I want to be free. I'd like to not have a desk job, and have more time to devote to family, church, and writing. The problem is, I'd also like to still have money to feed the family and provide for needs. Barring a miracle of financial proportions, my birthday wish is that I'd know more freedom internally. That I'd learn to be at peace more with things the way they are. Contentment. I think freedom is- to some degree- a state of mind. And I need to make the most of what I have.

Passion

I want to be excited about things again. I often talk about being passionate about God, and wanting more of this. That's really only part of it. I want to be passionate about life in general. I want to be a better and more engaged husband and father. I want to do the best I can at my day job and at my church leadership. I want to be more passionate about writing. I think passion leads to motivation, and when we feel unmotivated, what we really have is a lack of passion. I want to care about the things in my life more than I do. I want to become consumed with love for the things that matter, and be zealous in giving them my best.

Rescue of My Kids

My kids are reaching the age where they are really starting to understand God. At church, I've been blessed to see them singing during worship more often. A few days ago, Leslie asked for a Bible she could read when she goes to another local church on Wednesdays. My wish is that God would continue moving in their hearts, that He would rescue them from sin and that they would accept His gift. I wish Kristin and I could be the right examples, and have the right answers when needed.

To See God Move

I want to see God show up in our church. I want to see God show up in my family. I want to see God show up in my finances. I want to see God show up in my life. I want my life and these things around it to be neon signs pointing to God's works. I want it to be undeniable that God is doing something awesome and powerful, and that I am a part of it.

Excitement

I get bored. I'd love for there to be some adventure to charge off on. I'd love a road trip, a physically challenging endeavor, a mystery to solve, or major happening to shake things up--in a good way.

So, there you have it. My wishes for the next year of my life. If you were looking for a wishlist that could be taken care of on Amazon, sorry to disappoint. And if you really insist on getting me something, a 2012 Black Camaro would sure help with that Excitement wish.

Wayward Son

I discovered the show Supernatural last Spring when I had the flu. I'd been told by several friends I needed to see the show, but was a bit elitist in my TV viewing. CW shows were beneath me.

My bias soon faded as the show became addictive, quickly. Two brothers fighting the supernatural monsters of lore and ultimately facing down Lucifer himself with the help of a trenchcoated angel and a bearded drunk. Good TV.

Before each episode, there is a set of flashbacks to prior episodes, and before the season finale, the flashbacks are accompanied by this song- Carry On Wayward Son by Kansas.

As you can see from the lyrics, it's a song about a son struggling to make it, struggling to endure the tests before him. He has gone off the beaten path, he has taken the harder road. His heart breaks, and he wants to give in and give up. He has risen too high, and now he is under attack. For going beyond the norm. He has vision, and that vision costs him.

It is perfect for Supernatural.

It's perfect for me.

I confess, I am struggling with the calling of God on my life right now. I feel I have a vision of what God desires, of the church I lead and the people I reach, and I love doing that. But the cost- well, the cost is great. Spiritual attacks of fear, temptations, anxiety, business matters of the church, anger, feelings of inadequacies- they are mounting. Plus I struggle with a day job that I find neither fulfilling, nor financially sufficient- but am saddled with a skill set that leaves few options outside of full-time ministry or writing. And neither of those are available at the moment as an option. I am tired, I am frustrated, and I am losing faith.

All this despite God doing great things with the Gate. But I see that, and long for the ability to spend more time doing it, then wake up to the reality that unless someone decides to finance the church salaries, it ain't gonna happen.

In short, I'm hitting bottom.

In fairness, some of my malaise is my own fault. I sin, I say stupid things, I tend to be a little lazy when it comes to getting menial tasks done. God is bringing this to my attention these last few days.

Yet still, here I am. On a mission from God that is not (and I never expected it to be) easy. I knew there would be struggles, I knew there would be stumbles, and I knew there would be attacks. But I am swamped with those things now, and need a way out. I would give anything to be able to lead the Gate full time and write and speak on the side and never have to worry about paying the bills or my kids having a good birthday and cavity free teeth at the same time. Heck, I could deal a little better if I could get just one of those things.

And to be honest, I need to know that I matter. It is selfish and narcissistic, I know, but dang it, I want to know if I'm making a difference.

People will tell me I need to trust in God. I will really want to hit them. I know that. Sometimes I need to vent, and telling me what I already know is infuriating, and it really doesn't get to the heart of my issue. It's a feel good, simple answer to a question that is much more complex. One friend has pointed out that we do need to lament our problems to God and others- it's Biblical, there's a whole book called Lamentations, for crying out loud.

That advice helps me.

What I want is for God to take care of me, to comfort me and provide for me. I want some victories- BIG ONES. I want to have victory over my vices, over my finances, over apathy. I want God to open the door for full time ministry with the Gate, I want Him to make me a successful author and speaker. I want to be restored to the kind of faith and joy I've known throughout my life. I want freedom from the burdens of this world- freedom that comes only from intimacy with Christ. I want to know Him, and I want to continue on this journey He has called me on. Like the Winchesters of Supernatural, there are times the road gets too hard, and they cry out, they get angry, they kill a monster (or hit each other), they confess their frustrations and drive off in the Impala listening to AC/DC or Metallica or Kansas. They carry on.

So, today, I ask God, what would you have me hear from you today? What I'm hearing is not that I will get those things I want, or that my troubles with go away, or even that things will get a little easier. But there is a promise, a hope He offers. I just need to press on, continue seeking Him. It won't be easy or quick. But it'll be good. His words could very well be the opening lines of the Kansas song above:

Carry on my wayward son
There'll be peace when you are done
Lay your weary head to rest
Don't you cry no more

Wayward Story

It's no secret that I love the TV show Lost. Yes, I even loved the finale, with it's lack of answers and controversial (but I thought totally clear and beautiful) final scene. I loved it for the characters. Yeah, the secrets and numbers and Others kept things interesting from time to time, but it was really- for me- about Jack, Kate, Sawyer, Locke, Ben, Hurley and the rest.

The way I came to love these fictional, messed up people is a big reason why I loved Lost as a character show. You meet them in the middle of their lives, no explanation, no back story save the story they are telling at the moment. Some stories were true, others- total fabrications. (I'm looking at you, Ben Linus.) Either way, some you loved instantly, some you hated, others scared you. But, through the non-linear storytelling of Flashbacks and Flashforwards, we learned more than the characters would ever feel like letting on. Through these stories, these true stories, we came to love a snarky con-man, to question the sanity of the most lovable teddy bear of a man, and to see the broken shell that birthed the (at least initially) Man of the Island.

I liked Lost for its wayward characters who weren't always what they seemed; sometimes better, often worse.

I liked it because it is very much like real life.

Without the smoke monsters and living islands.

When we meet, the only story I know is what you tell me. I have to take your word. But the more I get to know you, the more you share about where you've come from- and where you are going- the more I see the real you. Because our stories- our lives- are not linear.

Sure, we don't time travel or jump a couple decades in experiences, but the things that happened to us absolutely shape us today. For example, when I was in college, a ministry I was involved in had a brainstorming session about how to meet the evolving needs of college students. Two groups emerged, "keep it the same" and "radically change it." I was in the "radically change it" camp, and voiced my opinion for very non-traditional approaches. Try new things, reach out to people in new and fresh ways, make evangelism more relational and less event oriented. Focus on what the organization did best instead of trying to be everything at once.

I did not win out.

But five years or so later, I find myself again speaking these things to a traditional church. Again, it was going no where, when God, using my memory of the last time that happened, began to shape a thought, a vision, for what would become the church I know pastor.

That's one example of many. In fact, I'm even working on self-publishing a memoir type book called The Wayward that spells this out in more detail. It should be up for download by the end of the year or early next. Essentially, it points out that are stories, our lives, follow no clear pattern. Things we thought were said and done resurface and change us, shape us, and motivate now. Not only that, our future shapes us as well. Disagree? How many of you have retirement and financial plans for the future that affect the way you spend today? How many of you have life and career goals that direct your daily actions now? How many of you are dating to find "The One?"

Truth is, we are all writing a wayward story. We may be like Paul- an enemy of Christ who does a 180 and becomes a devoted follower. He didn't see that coming, but he used his past experience with the Law to become the great theologian of the New Testament. You could get whiplash trying to keep up with the twists and turns of David's life.

But that's our viewpoint. Like on Lost, we only got the information the producers felt necessary at that moment. What may seem all over the map to we the viewers (supposedly) was all part of the plan of the producers. While the validity of that claim is sketchy, the same claim could be made by God and be totally true. We may get tangled up in the plot threads of our lives, but God is still sticking with the master plan.

Wayward Faith

When I go hiking, it's always a truly terrifying event.

Not for me, (I'm having the time of my life) but for those with me.  Especially if my wife is there.  The reason my hiking habits raise anxiety levels is two-fold:  1) I'm quick and sure footed.  2) I have an aversion to well established trails.

The first means that I move faster- often a lot faster- than those with me.  When I slow down, it wears me out.  So, I keep the steps up as well as the heart rate.  In my view, if you're not hiking briskly and bouncing from rock to rock, you're just walking.

But the second, well, that means that I like to find the more difficult paths.  Rather, I like to find the non-existent path and "break it in."  This translates into me running out to the edge of jutting rocks and finding the most straight up/shale covered slopes to explore.  I don' like to follow any pattern, I just send my feet toward the sight that seems most challenging.  There is a sense of accomplishment I get when I do this- that I'm breaking new ground, and that I'm being just a little bit dangerous.

This is a common theme lately.  I have come to feel that we, as a society, are far too safe.  I grew up with no bike helmets or pads, no seat belt laws in the backseat, and no padding or netting on trampolines.  There was an element of danger to childhood that made it exciting.  Something about those things made we want to get out and do things, to try things.  Now, if you eschew the safety rules, then you are considered, at best, a bit wayward.

I like the word wayward.  We should use it more.  But I also feel we should tweak the way we use it a bit.  For reference, here is the definition from Merriam-Webster:
1: following one's own capricious, wanton, or depraved inclinations : ungovernable


2: following no clear principle or law : unpredictable

3: opposite to what is desired or expected : untoward
 
See, to be wayward is negative.  And if you are following 'depraved inclinations,' then yeah, that's bad.  But sometimes, we need to be a little bit more of the 3rd definition.  "Opposite of what is desired or expected."  Especially if what is desired or expected is in conflict with God.
 
Enter faith.  To me, in the world today, there is nothing more wayward to the world's culture than to live by faith.  Heck, if we're really honest, there is nothing more wayward to much of church culture than to live by faith.  Sure, we believe in God, and we pray to Him, and maybe read the Bible a bit and go to church- that means we're living by faith, right?
 
 The truth is, we are living more by established doctrines and traditions that by faith.  For  instance, if God asked you to drop everything today and move to the Middle East to share Christ, would you even consider it, or would you brush it aside as crazy? 
 
Okay, fair enough, that's too big.  What if God asked you today to openly share your faith with an atheist co-worker- or boss?  What if God asked you to not look the other way when the panhandler walks up to your car at the stop light?  What if God asked you to give more (or some) money to the church, even though finances are tight?
 
We are ruled by logic, by doing what makes sense.  If we can't explain something completely, we can't put our faith in it.  It almost seems like we won't really commit to God unless we can know Him completely and without a doubt.  We need cold hard facts.
 
We need helmets and seatbelts and nets and pads and clearly marked trails, or we won't do it.
 
And that is why faith is wayward.  It is rebellious, it is crazy.  2 Corinthians 5:13 says as much:  "If we are “out of our mind,” as some say, it is for God; if we are in our right mind, it is for you."

God doesn't make sense.  To paraphrase Donald Miller from Blue Like Jazz- He doesn't resolve, he doesn't line up with established rhythms.  God is wayward to our expectations and facts and science.

When Jesus walked on water, it scared the disciples. (Duh.)  But then he asked Peter to come out on the water as well.  No scientific laws said that water would hold him, no facts or prior experience could lead him to any other conclusion than "I'm gonna sink.  Fast."  But his faith wasn't in the water, or science, or facts.  It was in Jesus.  So, he stepped out of his safe boat, and walked on water. 

Peter, like Jesus, was wayward.

When we have faith- real, living, vibrant faith- we will not fit in with people who don't believe in God.  Or Christians who want a God they can control and wrap their minds around.  You will walk with Him like I hike- faster and sure footed, and going off the beaten path.  You will seem to those who cling to the safety helmets they call "what we've always done" a bit nutty, dangerous, or even naive.  But you- you will call yourself something different.  You will recognize that those others would use this label as a negative, you claim it as a badge of honor.  Because it makes you more like your Father.

You will call yourself "Wayward."

Legacy

Who doesn't want to be remembered after they are gone?

There is something in our human nature that wants validation for our lives and how we lived them.  It's why High School hallways are filled with trophies, yearbooks are filled with notes about how we "will never forget you," and why churches put brass nameplates on everything.  We want to be remembered.

The question is:  Do we do anything WORTHY of being remembered?

Well before we get to that, let's think about the things that get remembered.
--Sports statistics- but really only by guys, and not all of them at that.
--Major historical accomplishments that shape the world- but then, just watch Jay Leno's Jaywalking segments to see even that doesn't hold up.
--Be famous- quick, name the star of the number 1 television show in 1983.  Thought so.
--Invent something-Who invented the electric light?  Nope, not Edison, some dude named Humphry Davy.  Yeah, had to Google that myself.

Okay, so doing important stuff doesn't necessarily leave a legacy.  Now, think of one person who made a difference in your life.  No doubt you have a dozen or so names flash through your mind- that teacher that took an interest in you, that boss who saw your talents and grew them, the person who spoke openly to you about Christ, a parent.  You may not remember Humphry Davy, but you will never forget the people who engaged you in your life.

It's relationships.  These are the things that make legacies.  Paul, in his second letter to Timothy, mentions that Timothy's faith is one of legacy- first in his grandmother, then his mother, then Paul himself.  You are who you are because of a lot of experiences, and because of the people you share them with.

So, the original question- What are you doing in your relationships with others that is worthy of a Legacy?

We celebrate accomplishments and donations- but we don't commemorate the impact people make on us personally with trophies and plaques.  And we shouldn't.  Legacy is passed on not in possessions, but in wisdom, encouragement, love, and so many other hard to calculate things.  The way we know we are the part of the legacy of someone is if they left their mark on us.

For us to leave a legacy, we need to leave a mark.  We need to live lives that matter to people outside of ourselves.  And- in total antithesis to our nature- we need to do it not for our own self aggrandizement, but for the well being of others.

Paul is a great example of this self-sacrificial nature.  In Romans 9, he says he would go to Hell if it meant his fellow Hebrews would accept Christ.  But he also gives us a great picture of a legacy we should all aspire to in Acts 20:25-27

“Now I know that none of you among whom I have gone about preaching the kingdom will ever see me again. Therefore, I declare to you today that I am innocent of the blood of any of you.  For I have not hesitated to proclaim to you the whole will of God. 


Paul's legacy was that he told everyone about Christ.  Everyone.  He lived in such a way that people knew who he followed, and he was never shy about proclaiming it.

The fact is- someone shared Christ with you.  Someone prayed for you.  Someone gave you a Bible.  Someone invited you to church one night.  Someone talked with you when you were struggling with doubts and fears and failures and all sorts of other junk.  They gave of themselves to you, so you would make right choices and grow stronger.  You are their legacy.

And that's how you grow yours.

Combustible Drought

This is Texas now.

For the last year or two, we've been in a drought.  Here in Bryan/College Station, for the year to date, we are over 20 inches behind on the wet stuff.  We were about that much behind last year.  What this means is a warm breath can start a fire.

This extreme drought is paralyzing.  It is destroying crops, killing livestock, and putting ranchers in binds that point toward bankruptcy.  But until the fires, there was very little mention of it in the media outside the local stations.  Droughts just aren't as interesting Severe Weather Phenomenons as, say, a Hurricane on the east coast.  Video of large cracks in dry black dirt is nowhere near as interesting as a weatherman being pummeled by storm surge.

The fires changed that.  Now, people are talking.  Now, the drought matters.

Because the drought is a constant thought these days, I had been thinking a lot about that Psalm that talks about the deer panting for water- Psalm 42, it turns out.  I took the time to read it the other day, and it struck me how closely the drought for my state parallels those droughts we all experience spiritually.  Just look at the first four verses:

                                                                      ¹ As the deer pants for streams of water, 

                                                         so my soul pants for you, my God.                                                                                                     
                                                                       ² My soul thirsts for God, for the living God.    
                                                        When can I go and meet with God?                                                                              
                                                                                   ³ My tears have been my food   
                                                    day and night, while people say to me all day long,   
                                                                     “Where is your God?”
                                                                                   ⁴ These things I remember   
                                             as I pour out my soul: how I used to go to the house of God 
                                                       under the protection of the Mighty One 
                                                                 with shouts of joy and praise 
                                                                    among the festive throng.

Texas is begging for rain, and it's not uncommon to hear folks talking wistfully about rains of the past.  Talk to someone in a spiritual drought, and it's a similar deal.  "Man, that time when God..."  or "I remember once, we were singing this song, and God showed up."  There is a mournful, longing tone to the voices that speak of these things long gone.


The thing I find interesting about Psalm 42 is that David is not feeling distant from God, yet he feels like he is in spiritual drought.  Verse 8 says, "By day the LORD directs his love, at night his song is with me— a prayer to the God of my life." (Emphasis mine).  But then, in verse 9:  I say to God my Rock, "Why have you forgotten me? Why must I go about mourning, oppressed by the enemy?”  God is with David, yet David feels like God has forgotten him.  Why this paradox?


How often have you had moments of clarity in the midst of turmoil?  Or, moments of self-pity in the midst of mountain-top elation?  God is EVER present, yet we can still feel distant.  We may be praying, reading His Word, singing His praises- yet feel dry, distant, and like it's all a lot of hard work for a moment of connection.


Like droughts, this is a natural- if unfortunate- thing.


The problem with spiritual drought is when it becomes combustible drought.  When the work we put in to connect with God becomes 'too hard,' we begin to give up.  We lose hope.  We stop reminding ourselves as David did in verse 11:  Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.


Then, the fires of temptation spark, and we are consumed.  Like the fire in the video above.  I believe, from personal experience, that a loss of hope dramatically increases the chance for sin.  Loss of hope is like the "Red Flag Warning" we get here in Texas when the drought is high and the winds are strong.  Fire danger is high.


Fortunately for us, we can stave off the spiritual fires of temptation much easier than the wildfires that have ravaged Texas.  We can't make it rain on our Terra Firma- but we can seed our spiritual clouds by listening to what David says in verse 11-Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.  It seems simple, maybe too simple, but the remedy for a loss of hope is to hope.  Stubborn, unmovable hope.  Fleeting hope is no hope at all.  No, we must hold to a hope that is made of stronger stuff than the 'wishful thinking' kind of hope most of live by.  Our hope cannot be in lesser things, but only in the God who is still there, still saving us.


Still pouring water on our combustible drought of the soul.


Let us also pray for those who are affected by the physical drought and terrible fires.  As they watch their homes be threatened or destroyed, they no doubt wonder where God is in all this- why them?  I, nor anyone else on this planet, can answer that.  Their spiritual drought is nearing the same level of combustion as the grasses and trees around their homes.  Let us intercede, let us offer them the stubborn hope we are clinging to, let us hope when they haven't the strength to do it themselves.  Let us pray to our God the Rainmaker, the Drought-Ender.  

Let us be more like David- who senses God's nearness, yet longs ever more for the cooling drink from the presence of God.

Choose Wisely

Today is the first day of the Fall 2011 semester for THOUSANDS of students at Blinn and A&M here in Bryan/College Station.  For some the excitement is palpable, for others, it's more a sense of dread.  But mostly the excitement.

Especially for freshmen.  Today, it is official.  You are gaining independence.  Sure, Mom and Dad dropped you off sometime in the last week, stocked up your mini-fridge, cast a wary eye toward your roommate, and made sure you had all your supplies- then headed home to redecorate your room.  And you had a week of real freedom.  Today, you have class.  And no one is there to wake you up, make your breakfast and get you there.

Today is the first day of many choices you'll face.  Go to class, or sleep in.  Buy the books, or fake it and hope the tests are lecture based (if you choose to go to class, of course).  Stay out late, or get plenty of rest.  Can I beat that bus on my bike, or does a semester in traction sound good?

But there are more serious questions.  Questions like:  Who will I become now that I am gaining independence?  What are my limits?  Is this really the field of study I want to spend my life in?  What is my spiritual journey going to look like?

Joshua 24:14-15 is about choices.  In this speech, Joshua, the leader of Israel after Moses, gives a sort of commencement address, and concludes with this:

“Now fear the LORD and serve him with all faithfulness. Throw away the gods your ancestors worshiped beyond the Euphrates River and in Egypt, and serve the LORD. But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served beyond the Euphrates, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.”

Joshua gives the call: Choose to give God all of your faithfulness, or give it up. No room for wafflers, no room for indecision. You can worship these old-time gods, or defeated gods, or you can serve the Lord. Either way they chose, Joshua made it clear where he was going.

Now, I don't want to get all moralistic on you, but I want you to understand this basic ideal:

Just because it looks good, doesn't mean it is.

Case in point, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade features the perfect example.  Choose the right Holy Grail, get eternal life.  Choose the wrong and you die.  Fast.  The Nazi picks a bejeweled golden chalice because "Jesus was the King of Kings."  Well, Nazis are bad guys, so you know how this ends:

So, Indy goes.  He picks a simple cup, not ornate, kinda ugly.  Because he reasoned, "Jesus was a carpenter."  So that result was better:

You will face countless choices that look good, say all the right things, give you lavish gifts, and have all the right moves.  But drinking from them leave will leave you hollow, empty, and potentially the spiritual equivalent of a dry, dusty old Nazi skeleton.  This is true of the day to day choices you'll face, as well as the moral, spiritual, and ethical choices.  

It is also true of the church and/or religious organization you choose.

Before I start- I am not bashing churches.  OK, well I am kinda bashing spiritually dead/misleading churches. But what I'm about to say applies to good churches as well- and in BCS, there are hundreds of those.  The point is this:  Don't get caught up in all the flashy, free-gift-giving, put-on-a-production stuff you'll see over the next month or so from a lot of churches.  Look past all that to the heart of the church.  Don't just listen to the things the church says, watch what it does.

And just because a church is feeding you tons of free food and has boatloads of money to spend on awesome programs doesn't mean they are a bad church.  Nor does it mean they are a good church.  Just because a church is small like you're used to, and comfortable with, doesn't mean it's the right church for you.  

Choose Wisely.

The key to living this way is in Joshua's words- "Now fear the LORD and serve him with all faithfulness."  To find the right place to belong, to worship and to server, you have to trust God totally.  Honestly, to keep with Him throughout your life, you must trust Him fully.  Every choice you make needs to be made in light of Christ- what would He desire of you?  That's what 'serving with all faithfulness' is about.  It's not about sheltering yourself from the world, or denying yourself the experience of college, or choosing the hippest church.  It is about seeking God's wisdom first in all you do, and then following His words through to the end.

And when it comes to churches- seek the church that God is moving and working in, no matter what it looks like on the outside.  And if you belong to a church, then you need to make it your goal to aid in anyway to be the church God is moving and working in.  After all, this is not all there is to the church:

This is the church:

How Do You Define Purity?

You ever had someone tell you not to think about a pink elephant? 

Or tell you that whatever you do, do not scratch your nose?

The funny thing is, as soon as you are told to avoid those things, its all you can think about.  It's basic psychology really, the more we are told what not to do, the more we want to do it.  Maybe 'basic psychology' is the wrong terminology- 'basic human nature' is better.  It seems since the beginning of recorded history, we go out of our to do what we are told not to do.  It's more than John Locke from Lost screaming, "Don't tell me what I can't do!" out of hurt pride, it's about curiosity, about testing ourselves, about feeding something inside us.

For a long time, and to an extent even now, Christianity has been known for telling people what not to do.  "Don't drink,dance, smoke or chew, or hang around with those who do," was a kind of unofficial motto of lots of churches.  Not that there is anything wrong with knowing what behaviors are wrong, mind you.  God has lots of things He wants us to have no part of, and we need to know those things and adhere to His commands completely.  The problem is that the our focus falls more on the "No's" of Christianity than the "Yes's."

No where has this been more evident, I believe, than the Purity movements.  True Love Waits was the most known in my circles, and it was a good program.  Well, it's heart was in the right place.  The problem with many of these things is they spend a good portion of their time telling students of the evils of sex outside of marriage. (Sexual purity is really just a small part of the larger Purity picture, but it gets the lion's share of attention.)

Numerous studies have appeared indicating that True Love Waits and other abstinence programs aren't working so well.  What has happened with that data is that lots of folks are jumping to the conclusion that it is impossible for people to abstain from sex until they are married.  The taboo or "No" action is just too tempting, they would say. 

And they are not wrong.

Well, not totally.  The truth is, in the current way we deal with all areas of purity- not just sexual- the focus is on what NOT to do, instead what TO do.  We have advertised and promoted how bad an action is, and we have made it magnetically attractive to that basic human nature that wants to do what someone has told it it can't do.  Our system is doomed to fail.

Now, a system that is working right now is gold.  I know, you're wondering what the heck gold has to do with purity, other than some of those rings are made of it.  Here's the thing about gold- people want it pure.  Pure gold is a - forgive the pun- goldmine right now.  An ounce is worth more than $1800 an ounce.  Everyone is talking gold.  No one is talking about the stuff that was melted out of the gold. 

"There are just over 30 grams in a Troy ounce, and at 5 grams/ton, you're looking at 30 divided by 5 or 6 tons of ore to recover that (Troy) ounce of gold from ore with a grade of 5 grams/ton."

(http://wiki.answers.com/Q/How_many_tons_of_ore_contain_one_ounce_of_gold#ixzz1VrMRJtP4)

There is 5 or 6 TONS of other junk (depending on the grade of the ore) that must be smelted away to get the good stuff- the pure stuff.  My point is this- the focus with gold is on the pure stuff, not the stuff that gets in the way of the pure stuff.  The reason is that the gold is what we value vastly more than the rest of the ore.

The problem with the call to purity in the church is not that we are calling for it, it is that we are calling for it in the negative, by telling you all about the 5 or 6 tons of junk you need to get rid of, instead of elaborating on the ounce of purity that is so valuable. We spend more time praying against the sins in our lives than we do praying for the purity. 

We have place our emphasis on the lesser thing.

 It is not the things taken away from a nugget of gold that make it pure, the gold's purity is an intrinsic thing.  You just have to get the other stuff out of the way to see it. 

True purity is not defined by what we need to lack, but by what we need to possess that is of true value. 

Matthew 5:8 tells us: "Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God."  Here is the call to purity I want to embrace.  That if I seek purity, that gold amidst the mess, then I will see God.  The promise is not that I will be master over my desires, that will be able to check off a list of things I don't do.  The promise is a positive- that I will see God.  That I will be in His presence, that I will know Him more purely.

I believe that when we are living to seek God, the sins we worry about, the things that keep us impure, they will be burned away more and more by His presence.  We do need to be aware of our sins, and acknowledge them.

But we need to focus more on God, than on them.

"How has attending this church changed you?"--Impact Questions

I just finished going to the Impact Ministry Fair- part of a incoming freshmen ministry (http://impactretreat.com/) that acts as a Christian Fish Camp (http://fishcamp.tamu.edu/) for students coming to A&M and Blinn.  Around 1500 students come seeking a connection with God, and through the ministry fair held on the third day, to connect with local churches and religious organizations.  There are three sessions, and I went to the first and third.

And met a lot of people.

One guy hugged me.

It was awkward.

But the most interesting thing, aside from seeing the student's faces grow with excitement the more they mingled the room, was the questions.  They ranged from practical, to theological, to (at least to me) funny.  Some of my favorites:

-Do you guys meet in a bar on purpose, or was there just nowhere else you could go?
-Do I have to be 18 to attend your church?  Cuz I'm only 17.
-Is your church only for people a certain age- cuz it's in a bar?
-So, are you a church or what?

But my favorite isn't really funny.  In fact, it caught me by surprise.  It took me a second to respond, because I had never had this question asked of me- ever.  Not about any church I'd attended or served at.  And it should be asked.  Often.

How has attending this church changed you?


Now, I'm pretty sure the student thought I was a student also- I get that sometimes- so my initial response was to clarify just who I was (yeah, that was kinda prideful, sorry).  "Well, I started the church, so that was kinda a big change."

Now, I realized that was a ridiculous non-answer, and would help this student nary a bit in his search for a church home.  So, I followed up with how God has taught me patience, perseverance and to trust in Him.  I related stories of how our initial expectations went unmet and we had to lean on God and His timing- which was much slower than we liked.  I told of how we were often surprised how God did work.  We talked for a few minutes, then he went on his way.  I was left thinking about that question.

How has attending this church changed you?


The more I've thought about it, the more I realized just how much the Gate has changed me.  It's made me more diplomatic in dealing with people, but also strengthened my desire to never compromise the Gospel.  It's made me realize how much I love getting one on one with people and really talking God and our lives-the personal, deeper stuff.  It has made me hate apathy in my own life and the lives of those I care about so much more.  I've changed the way I view church, and it seems year by year I shed old formulas and start approaching it more freely.

Now, I say it's the Gate that's made these changes- but the Gate and its people are merely the tools, the instruments God uses to mold me.  Just like any church.  But, the question is still a sound one, and one that we all need to ask ourselves about own church.

How has attending this church changed you?


If you can't answer that- it's time to evaluate.  Churches exist to worship and spread the message of God.  Inherent in the message of Christ is that we grow and we change.  This change is facilitated primarily by the work of the Holy Spirit, but also by the work of the church and our own realizations and acceptance of what God is doing.  If you honestly can't say how attending your church has changed you- you need ask two questions:  1) What's wrong with me?   And 2) What's wrong with my church?  The follow up to both of those is What can I do to change the problem?  If it's you- seek God for His insight on what's wrong with you- your failings you can't see.  If it's the church, seek God's wisdom on how to lead out in fixing the situation.  And with the church- exhaust every effort to reconcile and heal the church- leaving is a last resort.  It is because it will do just as much damage to you as it will the church.  Churches- even broken ones- need people who are seeking God to make it all right.

So, I leave you with the question- and I hope you can answer it:

How has attending your church changed you?