The Hike

Sometimes, a road seems so long that you grow weary, and you wonder why you ever set out on it in the first place. You question whether your commitment to the path is really worth the effort. Sure, you enjoy the scenery, and you get a good workout from the hike, but those 'rewards' seem small compared to the fact that you've been walking for a while and no big milestones have been passed yet. So, you stop, sit, and flirt with the notion of giving up.

Other hikers walk by, coming from some other trails, and tell you the hike is worth it. You appreciate their kind words, but they haven't been walking with you, they don't know what you've been through. There are other hikers, ones who have been following you, but they'e been quiet, watching you and seeing what you do. Some have been with you from the start, they are tired, too. Others have been picked up along the way, and have a little more pep to them. It is one of them, or a chorus of them that speaks up, and says what you've needed to hear, but never knew it:

"You have made my hike a little better."
"You've made me feel like I belong to this hiking tour like no other hiking tour ever has."

"I feel closer to the summit than I ever have before, and couldn't have done it without you."

"You've changed the way I view hiking."

Your heart stirs, the weariness fades a bit, and the path no longer looks so daunting. You will carry on, buoyed by the encouragement of the people following you.

For a while now, I've been tired. I've seen God doing small things in the ministry He's called me to, but for whatever reason, it hasn't seemed good enough. At least, not good enough to impassion me. It's been a yo-yo of spirituality for me for the last few years, and I'm pretty sure the up and down isn't done yet. But just a few days ago, I'd had enough. I wasn't hearing encouragement from God- it seemed- and the bright spots I'd even recently spotted were seeming dim. So I told God- "I need something. I need to know what I've pursued with the Gate matters, that it's worth something. That I matter."

That hit me Thanksgiving night, and I sat down, and threw a pity party. I was ready to stop the hike. I was consumed with anxieties and fears about church, job, life, and everything. I was angry at God, and didn't know why. So I called Him out.

Then, Sunday night. We had our last night of Storytellers, a series we'd been doing at church where we invited the folks that make up our church the chance to share their story, or a message they felt God had laid on their heart. The other two nights had been great, Maddie had taught a great message about letting God take away your anxieties and fears. Evan shared about how God had used the Gate to lead him closer to God than he'd been, and Bethany shared about how God has His hand in things in ways that can surprise- and save- us. Last night, Amy shared about how God led us to realize how little we are in control, but that it's a good thing. Andy shared how one person can make a difference, even if it seems small at the time, to change things in a big way. And Sara closed us out with a message of hope that God can heal our brokenness.

I still didn't fully have the theme God was teaching me yet. I'm slow like that.

This morning, I felt the need to listen to Mumford & Sons. I clicked on their first album on Grooveshark and let it play. While the music played, I was chatting with Daniel, who encouraged me unexpectedly with a sledgehammer of hope- God was using me. There was a difference being made through me, despite my fears, anxieties and failings as a follower of Christ.

Then, the lyrics to the Mumford & Sons pierced my heart:

"So tie me to a post and block my ears
I can see widows and orphans through my tears
I know my call despite my faults
And despite my growing fears"

And

"So make your siren's call

And sing all you want
I will not hear what you have to say

Cause I need freedom now
And I need to know how
To live my life as it's meant to be"

God cares. And what I've learned is that we need to listen to Him, and we need to listen to the words of others when they encourage. We need to offer it freely as well. Sometimes when we don't 'hear God,' the door that opens to that comes from listening to those hiking with us. As pastors, we need to let those in our care share what God is doing in their lives- you'll be surprised how often it's more than you think. And people need to tell their leaders when they have made a difference in their lives. Pastors need to encourage their flock- and not just from the pulpit (or bar floor).

I don't think we realize how often we all need a kind word from someone else. After all, God's kindness is what leads us to repentance. Makes sense that His followers acting out that aspect of His character would have a similar result.

This morning, a combination of the words from Storytellers ringing in my ears, an encouraging Facebook chat, and Mumford & Sons brought me to tears- and closer to God. So, I put my pack back on, stood to my feet, and resumed my hike. My hope and prayer is that I lead well those who go along with me. That when they grow weary, I give hope, and when I falter again, they again lift me up.
The journey is long, but it is worth it. But only if we go together.