Innocence Found

It's a late fall day, and the heat of the summer still lingers a bit from the hot Texas season. But not for much longer. I'm young, pre-teen, ten-ish and I have found my way into our pasture, halfway between the house and the back of the 80 or so acres we own. I've sat down amongst knee high grass, facing north toward a small stand of trees that will make a perfect camping spot for friends and I in a few short years. The warm wind blows the grass into my back from the south.

It is dark for that time of day, largely because there is a deep blue mountain of clouds filling the northern sky. In a matter of minutes, the first cool front of the year will rush to meet me, and I wait. I notice a shift in the distance as the small stand of trees begin to teeter and bow a bit, as if deciding whether to lean north or south. The northerly wind picks up, and the trees, followed by the distant grass, begin to point toward me. I watch as the grass, like dominoes fall and the wind approaches me. The sky is very dark know and the occasional rumble of thunder is hear over the howl of the wind.

Then it hits me- cool air, and a smell that is impossible to put into words. If it were a candle, I'd call it 'Reinvigorating', or "Life" for simplicity sake. I smile. And I feel alive.

If I'm honest with you, and I try really hard to be, that is what is so hard about the loss of innocence. Life slowly fades from us. I think about that day, and so many others like it when my childhood world was suddenly vivid and alive and free and expectant, and I remember what it was like to live, not just survive. That day, cool was coming to kill the heat, the expectation was that winter was on its way, and a reprieve from sweat and sun- an even that lasts usually about a week and a half here in Texas. So I longed for it, and do to this day.

I long for life like that again. Wonder at the small day to day stuff, expectation that things will get better, that we as people could be better.

Those days were about imagination and anticipation, smiles and laughter, boundless energy and a desire to seek adventure. I'm sure we all try to capture that again in some way, through our hobbies or maybe less than savory pursuits, but they all pale in comparison to what the joys of childhood brought.

Jesus said we must become like little children- not by becoming immature, but by being humble like a child- by having faith. Loss of innocence leads to loss of faith. We're told to grow up, you can't do that, it'll never work that way enough that we start to believe that those things are true- and then we begin to believe what THEY said about us-"Good kid, a little naive, maybe."

To the hardened heart, child-like faith, hope and expectation may look like naivete.

To me, it looks like innocence found.

Just like the rush of wind that day made me come alive, I hope that we all can find the 'cool front' that will break us from our summer of discontent. Find our innocence and live again.