Innocence Found

It's a late fall day, and the heat of the summer still lingers a bit from the hot Texas season. But not for much longer. I'm young, pre-teen, ten-ish and I have found my way into our pasture, halfway between the house and the back of the 80 or so acres we own. I've sat down amongst knee high grass, facing north toward a small stand of trees that will make a perfect camping spot for friends and I in a few short years. The warm wind blows the grass into my back from the south.

It is dark for that time of day, largely because there is a deep blue mountain of clouds filling the northern sky. In a matter of minutes, the first cool front of the year will rush to meet me, and I wait. I notice a shift in the distance as the small stand of trees begin to teeter and bow a bit, as if deciding whether to lean north or south. The northerly wind picks up, and the trees, followed by the distant grass, begin to point toward me. I watch as the grass, like dominoes fall and the wind approaches me. The sky is very dark know and the occasional rumble of thunder is hear over the howl of the wind.

Then it hits me- cool air, and a smell that is impossible to put into words. If it were a candle, I'd call it 'Reinvigorating', or "Life" for simplicity sake. I smile. And I feel alive.

If I'm honest with you, and I try really hard to be, that is what is so hard about the loss of innocence. Life slowly fades from us. I think about that day, and so many others like it when my childhood world was suddenly vivid and alive and free and expectant, and I remember what it was like to live, not just survive. That day, cool was coming to kill the heat, the expectation was that winter was on its way, and a reprieve from sweat and sun- an even that lasts usually about a week and a half here in Texas. So I longed for it, and do to this day.

I long for life like that again. Wonder at the small day to day stuff, expectation that things will get better, that we as people could be better.

Those days were about imagination and anticipation, smiles and laughter, boundless energy and a desire to seek adventure. I'm sure we all try to capture that again in some way, through our hobbies or maybe less than savory pursuits, but they all pale in comparison to what the joys of childhood brought.

Jesus said we must become like little children- not by becoming immature, but by being humble like a child- by having faith. Loss of innocence leads to loss of faith. We're told to grow up, you can't do that, it'll never work that way enough that we start to believe that those things are true- and then we begin to believe what THEY said about us-"Good kid, a little naive, maybe."

To the hardened heart, child-like faith, hope and expectation may look like naivete.

To me, it looks like innocence found.

Just like the rush of wind that day made me come alive, I hope that we all can find the 'cool front' that will break us from our summer of discontent. Find our innocence and live again.

The Longing

Anyone who has ever been to a High School Homecoming Football game in Texas understands the concept of longing for our youthful days. Men from 18 to 80 gather along the sidelines and remind each other of the time they won the championship- or almost did. Women comment on how they could do what those cheerleaders were doing when they were in school. Stories of adventures from days gone by are the reason we have this ritual- and I love it.

But there is a dark side to this. While most spend a few hours on that Friday night reliving, some can't let it go. They dwell,and worse, they try to recreate. I believe a real problem with our society today is that we feel we got jipped on our time as kids, so we'll just take a second helping now. It's relatively harmless to be the fifty year old trading in the minivan for the Corvette- not so harmless to be trading in the wife for the new girlfriend. Not so bad trying- and mostly failing- to pick up that sport you used to excel at. But it's kind of ugly when we try to relive that vicariously through our kids and thus get labeled as "the obnoxious one" at their sporting events.

I believe the reason for this, is that we are sad. We miss the good things that have gone away. That's good- we need to remember the good things, relish them, tell the story again and again. We need to feel that sorrow at things gone by, but it is how we deal with it that makes us live, or makes us die.

2 Corinthians 7:10 says "Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death." Paul is talking about sorrow over sin, but I think it's a good application for lots of things. If we look at what we have lost with the eyes of the world- we will die. "Those things that matter so much to me are gone- I am not who I was, I am not good anymore, so I must start over." Hello, Mid-Life Crisis. We die here, because we stop living in the now and try to live in the 'back then.' We don't move forward anymore and therefore, we die. Bit by bit, the parts of our lives that matter now fade away until we're that person that's in the Bowling for Soup song '1985':

She hates time make it stop
When did Motley Crue become classic rock?
And when did Ozzy become an actor?
Please make this stop
Stop!
And bring back

Springsteen, Madonna
Way before Nirvana
There was U2 and Blondie
And music still on MTV
Her two kids in high school
They tell her that she’s uncool
Cause she's still preoccupied
With 1985

But Godly Sorrow brings repentance and salvation. We are the product of our past, and our past feeds our future. The past should make us press on with more knowledge and preparation. I've been working on writing a memoir of sorts that puts this theory into practice: That the things we though were inconsequential ten years ago do in fact shape us today. I realize that I often went against the norm the entire time I've followed Christ (I led a conga line down the middle of a Baptist Church, for crying out loud!), and now I lead a church that challenges the norm (No conga lines, though).

So when we go to homecoming, or class reunions, let us not try to be what we were then, but who we have become because of who we were then.

It Sucks to Be a Grownup

When I was a kid, I thought it would be cool to be a grownup. You could drive. You have money to spend on what you want. You could stay up late. You could eat what you wanted. You had no one telling you what to do. Adult life was awesome and I couldn't wait to get there.

Now, I miss childhood. I am not free, not like I thought I would be anyway. I have bills to pay, physical health to watch out for, a car to take care of, never enough money to do ANYTHING I want. Plus, family responsibilities like raising kids and loving my wife- good things, no doubt, but things one doesn't think of when one is ten.

Truth be told, I miss the magic of youth. The wonder of things. Remember the first time you got to drive- the exhilaration? Remember running into the rain to play, instead of trying to get out of it? Remember being able to run and not nearly pass out from lack of oxygen?

We would turn on the TV to catch our favorite cartoon. Now, we try to catch the weather ( so we don't have to run in the rain), or we watch the news to see what makes us angry today. And if we read, we read for the love of it, not because Oprah told us to.

I guess we lost the magic somewhere. We stopped loving life, and just started enduring it. We lost the hope and the expectation and the wonder of what was to come because it got here and we were unimpressed. And we grew cynical.

We lost our innocense.

I recently saw a kid, in the middle of the county clerks office, pull out his toys and begin to play. His imagination opened up and poured forth, surrounded by books and computers and blank faced adults like me. He played and didn't care who was watching. He was enjoying his life, no matter where it presently had him.

I've thought a lot about that scene these last few weeks. I don't think our innocense is too far gone that it can't be rescued. I think we can still 'pull out our toys' in the midst of a grown-up world and enjoy ourselves. We just need to find the things that bring us joy, and make time for them. We need to remember the wonder that is still our there to be experienced.

We need to dream of better things again.

It Goes Both Ways

I must admit to being a bit hard-headed. I often try to do things on my own. Build something, move something heavy, do something dangerous. I call it my "sense of rugged individualism." Kristin calls it me being stubborn.

We recently did some work on our back yard that required a rock compressor. When I picked it up at the rental place, it took two large guys to get it in the car. It was early on Saturday, and Kristin was sleeping in. Leslie and Kenna would be no help, for sure, so I managed to get the contraption out myself with no hernia. "See, I don't need help!" was my thought. When the work was done, I attempted to lift the machine into the car. I managed to lift one side about three inches. The back of our Xterra is about 2.5 feet up. This would not work. I thought of creating a lever system, but lacked sufficient material. And pulleys would never work. So I had to rely on another human to accomplish my task. I was crushed- but thankfully it was not by the compactor.

So often we approach life that way, especially spirituality. I can overcome my sin on my own. I can mature with no help. I can serve by myself. I don't know if this is a symptom of American Christianity or if it is a worldwide phenomenon, but it flies in the face of the teaching of the early church.

They lived together. In some cases, literally. They did life together. There was a communal way of living that some might say resembled socialism or communism because there was a spreading of the wealth. But unlike these man-made political systems- the sharing was not forced, but given willingly. They gave their time, energy, finances, possessions and their lives to each other because they loved, not because someone made them.

But now, we don't want to admit our needs, because it means we are "weak." We failed to do it on our own. As much as I talked about the Church needing you- you need Her just as much. So here are some reasons we tell our people why they need the Church:

Accountability
We need people to watch our back, to catch us when we fall. This is not judging others for their failings, this is an up close relationship that depends on deep friendship to give it weight. It is based on love, not a desire to appear better than another.

Support
We need to help each other. Financially, with our skills, with our presence. The Church has ceased to support our own, let alone those outside. When was the last time you can remember being a part of a church that really shared with each other? Financially or emotionally?

Challenge
We push one another. We challenge the status quo of each others thoughts. We strive to sharpen each other. We make one another better.

Spirituality
You can get the others from lots of different organizations, but spirituality can only come from a group that is seeking something higher than themselves. The Church should offer a chance for shared experiences of God. This will lead to shared understandings of God, which lead to a deeper unity- deeper relationships- than can be found anywhere else.

The simple fact is, there are times when we need other people to help us with the heavy lifting. Be that our economic strife, our emotional baggage, or spiritual doldrums. The Church has been the place for people to go to find these things and their source- true hope.

She can be the one we go to again.

IMPRESS ME!

Imagine you sit down in a room, across from you sits a group of people, listening attentively to your every word. Some of them scribble things down as you say them, others simply stare at you. You feel the tension rise, you want to wow them, to win them over. Their body language screams: IMPRESS ME! At the end of this, will you have done what was needed to capture their hearts?

For a lot of you, this is a job interview- for a lot of pastors, this is every Sunday. The question has often been asked by many a church-seekers: What do you have to offer me? They are looking for the best children's program, or music team, or teacher, or ambiance, or curriculum or doctrine, or seat cushions. They want the body they are checking out to "IMPRESS ME," or at least show them why they need this church.

They are asking the wrong question.

And the church is giving the wrong answer.

The roles should be reversed- the church should be asking each new person, "What do you bring to the table?" I, of course, am not advocating that the church screen members. ("I like what I see in your community activism, but...ouch, you really can't sing. Sorry, but no thanks.") By the church not actively expecting anything, let only articulating their needs for fear of being perceived as less than the bigger building down the road, they are lulling prospectives into a sort of comatose state of attendance. They come, they see, they sit.

A church does not move by the staff and leadership alone- despite what some leaders may show by their attitudes and actions. It needs you and me, the average ordinary people that give Her a Body. What makes the church unique to other gatherings is that survival depends upon all of us working together, living together.

So, at the Gate (the church I pastor) here are a few general things we ask from a prospective body part:

We need your perspective.
You see God for His provision and compassion. Someone else sees God for His strength. I see God for His forgiveness. And so on. The Body needs different perspectives of God to get a better picture of who He is, in whole.

We need your vision.
You have a dream ministry in mind. You want a church that a certain thing, but you can't seem to find it. Maybe that is because you are the only one with the passion and vision to create it. Stop looking for it, find the Body that will let you lead it, and get busy.

We need your presence.
A church is not a church if I'm the only one there. It's not a church if there is not enough people to have a variety of perspectives. And the visions of people need other people to come to fruition. A church requires people, and you, I assume since you are reading this, are people.

We need your voice.
I love me a good singer. It is part of why I married my wife. But the voice we need is less of one "Telling it on a mountain" and more "Crying out in the wilderness." We, like the early church, grow by word of mouth. In all fairness, they didn't have radio or television, and advertising was not even a whisper of a thought, so they really had no choice. But, people came because people they knew gave voice to what they experienced. And yes, I include your Facebook activity as 'voice.'

We need your talent.
No church should ever turn away a willing and capable volunteer. We certainly won't. We often ask for help with music, children, sound, set up and a variety of other things. Your talent may not be so mainstream, but whatever it is, if you want to use it for God, we bet He can help us to find a place for it. Unless said talent breaks some sort of law, in which case, we still probably need to talk.

We need your prayer.
Well, duh. I mean, really, this goes without saying, but we need you praying. Not just for the church as a whole, but each other. I need your prayer, you need mine- God kind of made it this way on purpose. As U2 sang, "Sometimes You Can't Make it on Your Own." Prayer is one of those times we need more than just us.

So, to be really honest, the church needs you like you need her. Just for fun, I may stand up this Sunday, in front our church, and just yell, "IMPRESS ME!" Then sit and wait.

OK, I probably won't, but still...

Church Physiology- aka Exercise

I woke this morning to the sound of a nation on the move. Champions of Health Care Legislation were celebrating and pressing forward. It's opponents were mobilizing, restructuring, and getting the word out. Their passion and their action, regardless of which side they were on, was coming together and the people of our nation were doing something.

Reading through Facebook statii and posts, it is easy to see that we have something that has caught the interest of a lot of people, and spurred a normally sedate interest in politics to a fever pitch. Ordinary folks over the last year or so have gotten involved in political groups, started campaigning when they never have before, thought of running for office, and actually called or emailed their representatives. Be their reasoning anger, concern, encouragement, or something else, one thing is clear: People are starting to care enough to do something.

Then, I think of churches across our nation. While there are many that are moving and doing something, many more are sedentary. I'm not talking about them being politically active- sadly many churches have become political voices, as if that is our true savior. No, I mean churches are just another place to be entertained, or educated for a few hours a week. We will talk about helping the poor, or people in general, but talk is all we do. I think about the many times I've stood before churches begging for volunteers to work at some Bible Study for kids, or local mission project. Week after week, we'd see a few new people almost reluctantly agree to help, already the weariness setting into their eyes.

Yet those same people now probably have a fire in their eyes over the events in our nation's capital. I don't think it is wrong in and of itself to exercise your political muscle, but if we do it to the exclusion of exercising our following-Christ muscle, then it is. Why do we have such a hard time getting excited or impassioned over our God? Is it because it's easier when we have an enemy we cans see, in the form of policies or politicians? When was the last time we saw a real mobilization of believers across the nation for the purpose of simply proclaiming Christ?

Within American Christianity, we do have movements, like Pro-Life, and Promise Keepers, and Passion ...well, I'm sure there are others. I think it is telling that it is difficult to think of real genuine movements for Christ. We have spent too much time securing our safety and our rights and protecting OUR place in the Kingdom, that we have neglected to remember our call- to follow Christ and live as He did. That means sharing God with people, not just through words, but through lives, through service, through love.

It is time for us to exercise, to mobilize, and to organize. The Body must move, or it will atrophy and die.

To Be or Not to Be

Are you a cat person, or dog person?

Me, I probably lean more toward a cat person, but love dogs, too. My wife is most definitely a dog person as our late cat once gave her cat scratch fever. She never really warmed back up to the cat after that.

This question is one of a few that tear our nation apart, along with white or wheat, mountains or oceans, sunshine or rain, and the super catastrophic question that has deep spiritual significance--red or blue carpet. Seriously, churches divide over this controversial question.

These questions, though simple, go to the heart of human kind: We have our preferences. That is why some churches are liturgical, others more...free spirited. Still others are a mix. Some churches are very modern and loud in their music choice. Others are more austere and yet still loud, but what do you expect with an organ the size of Rhode Island. Some churches expect a suit and tie, while others may have an unspoken "No Shirt, No Shoes, No Service" rule. I guess there are some that don't have even that rule- especially the shoe part.

And so, in our consumer minded society, we have a '31 Flavors' variety of churches. (My favorite Baskin and Robbins flavor is Daiquiri Ice, speaking of Ice Cream metaphors) I contend this is both good and bad. The bad, is that we are not ever truly united as we are meant to be. We all serve one God, yet we serve Him differently and separately. The good is that we are all different, and we are provided ways to serve Him that fit with our uniqueness.

But the overall problem is that we seem to have a tough time committing to BE the Church we are a part of. People may be attending a Body of Believers for years, yet they are never a part of the body. It's sort of like dating someone for forever, never proposing just in case someone better comes along. They refuse to commit, to engage, to go deeper than simply showing up. Of course, the other side of that is that some churches make it difficult to really connect. They have things the way they want it, and new body parts only complicate things, so they keep you at a distance. It's like the body rejecting a transplant, literally.

So, how do we overcome this trouble with 'being' the church? We need to find the church that needs us. If a church doesn't accept you, find one that does. (This is not an excuse to leave a church that tells you you are sinning to find one that says its OK. I'm saying if you try to belong and they don't want you, move on, if possible.) Look for churches that need your skills and be willing to offer them.

Be involved in the lives of the other people outside of church. I'm serious when I say Facebook and the like have been awesome for this. We know what is up with each other almost constantly. But we have to be honest- and this is the biggest problem most churches have. We had behind a facade that we have it all together. We can't BE the church, if we aren't BEING real with ourselves.

You need to be the biggest supporter of church. Do not rely on marketing or the staff to tell people about Christ and what He is doing with you. Your desire should be for everyone you meet to have what you have, to be able to BE the Church with you.

If we begin to look at being the Church rather than attending it, the questions will fade, and so will the divisions. We don't argue over the carpet- and not just because we have beer soaked, glass etched hardwood floors. No, we are just glad to be together, and we want you to BE that, too.

Housekeeping

Just wanted to let everyone know I set up a blog for the actual Lehrmann Family stuff, if you're interested at livesoflehrmanns.blogspot . This blog will be exclusively what it has been for a while now, but we're just making it official.

May We Never Go To Church Again

A common question from Leslie, our five year old, is, "What are we doing today?" When talking about Sundays and the Gate, we would often say, "We're going to Harry's!" This, when said in public, got strange glances from people as most people in College Station and Bryan know 'Harry's' is a bar. And five year olds rarely attend bars.

Over the last few months when asked this question, our response has been, "We're going to church." Just like many people every week say those same words. It is a part of our cultural vernacular that we "Go to church." And I think it is a small thing that plays a large role in the problems with the Church today.

It points to the fact that church has become a destination in several ways. Most churches in America have a building somewhere that we migrate to for a few hours a week. We must leave our homes to go to this place.

Church is also the place we go to worship and spend time with believers. Worship is engaged in there- don't even get me started on the way Worship has become a planned event in our culture. We also use the phrases, "Go to Worship," and "What time does Worship start," and never catch the true implication of what we saying.

We dress up for this gathering, so it has a bit of social club-ness to it, as well. This is hammered home when church members make comments like, "Come to XXXXX, its the place to be/be seen!" And yes, I have heard people say that. Truth is, in many communities where you go to church determines your standing in society.

But, and this too has become cliche', Church is not a building, an event, or a club. Church is a living, breathing, organism. Church is a bride, she is a body, and we are her parts. Worship is not something we attend or set aside time for, worship is meant to be the way we live. I don't ask, "What time does breathing start?" If I waited to breathe until everyone else got dressed and arrived at a certain location, it would not be worship, it would be a funeral. So why do we wait to 'worship' until everyone else shows up at a certain place at a certain time and does certain things?

We must stop thinking of Church and Worship as things that we compartmentalise in our schedules. Worship should be like breathing. It is involuntary, and praise should pour from our every action, word and thought. Church is not a thing we go to, but a body we each help to live.

Church dies without you.

I don't mean this in an "Attendance Roll Call" way, I mean this in a "Without you amongst us, with your unique views, passions, gifts and talents- Church will never be what she needs to be. She will never survive."

So, may we never GO to church again. No, let us BE the Church.

Church Biology

True story- I once wanted to be a doctor. A psychiatrist, to be exact, but that meant med school, which in turn meant getting my undergrad in science stuff. No biggie, I thought, having loved and excelled at science in high school.

My first semester at A&M, I took, and spectacularly failed at, Biology. And thus ends the illustrious medical career of Chad Lehrmann. The very foundation of life, the cells and other icky stuff at the microscopic level are what did me in. I was convinced that spending a semester on mitochondria and nuclei was not really the biology I was looking for or needed. Those parts were too small to worry with.

Flash forward to my discovery of 1 Corinthians 12. This is the chapter that informs us that no part of the body of Christ is any less essential than the others. Each body part (that would be us, by the way) has a role and function key to the survival of the body. Remove it, or make it ineffectual, and the whole body suffers its loss. In other words, no part is too small to worry with.

The problem is that too many churches and church leaders get in the habit of ignoring the smaller parts of the body. I'm not talking about the children, necessarily (Though there are churches that sadly neglect the children for the sake of preserving 'their' church.). No, I'm talking about the 'lesser' people, the ones that are the cool church people. The ones who are a little less apt to step forward and shine on their own. As churches, and the egos of those of us who lead them get bigger, we ignore those who don't match up to our image. If you're a church full of young, business type go-getters, you ignore the more blue-collar segment because they aren't the image you try to project. On the flip side, small town churches tend to hold up their dust of the earth types to the exclusion of those with more progressive views.

No church or leader is immune. I myself am aware that there are certain types of people that its harder for me to connect with. I have to work harder to not ignore them than I do with other groups. I shouldn't simply pass them off to another church member because they are better at dealing with them. Ultimately, they will connect with that person anyway, but that is no excuse for me to brush them off. They are a part of the same body that I am a part of. Without them, our body doesn't function to the best of its ability.

So, even if they are the mitochondria to my index finger, they are just as important to the church as you or I.

Rescued by Grace

I am often mocked for my unabashed love of Lost. I can't help it. When a show, especially this current and final season, speaks so beautifully and clearly eternal messages wrapped in narrative (hey, isn't that a parable?), what is not to love?

This past week, Ben, the villain we have loved to hate for five seasons needed to be rescued. He was set to die for his sins. He deserved it. Not only was he guilty, he was unapologetically so. He gets a chance at escape, and all he has to do to regain his control of the Island, according to the Artist Formerly Known as John Locke, was kill his pursuer, Iliana, and go to the smaller island.

But Ben, gun sighted on Iliana, confesses. Yeah, he killed Jacob, but he did it because he felt rejected, he felt he had lost everything for a 'distant diety.' And why join 'Locke?' Because thats the only person who would have him. Iliana says she would have him, lowers her gun, and essentially forgives. Ben doesn't go to 'Locke,' he follows Iliana. He is rescued.

We sin. We have our reasons. We feel hurt, lonely, abandoned, unfulfilled, angry, doubtful, or just plain apathetic. We have sinned so much that we don't really know how to live without doing the things that kill us. Like Ben lies and kills, we drink, or yell, or endulge, or eat, or stare, or stew. We do it without thinking because it has come to define us. We are not our sin, but if we do it long enough, our sin becomes us. We get swallowed up and consumed by these urges and temptations. We do them not because we want to, but because we don't want to not do them. We are captive to our own desires, and they slowly kill all that is good in and around us. Ben lost his daughter and leadership, the most precious things to him, because of his sins- motivated by his pride. What are you losing even now?

I'd say that even in the midst of our sin, we know we are wrong in an intellectual way. But because we are slaves to our faults, we lack the will, maybe even the ability to get free. Something must unshackle us. Something must shake us from our apathy.

Grace.

Getting what we don't deserve. Being rescued by the goodness of the Forgiver. Ben deserved to die and be buried in the grave he dug for himself, but he got to live. We deserve to die and be separated from God. But we get to live. What Ben does with his second chance remains to be seen.

What are we doing with ours?

Rescue is Coming

There’s a darkness in my skin
My cover’s wearing thin, I believe
I’d love to start again, go back to innocent
And never leave

Don’t give up now
A break in the clouds
We could be found
And there’s nothing wrong with me
It’s just that I believe things could get better
And there’s nothing wrong with love
I think it’s just enough to believe

Rescue is coming
-David Crowder Band, Rescue is Coming

We all want to be rescuers, we do not want to be rescued. That implies weakness. That implies failure. That implies we are insufficient to make it on our own. And if we need someone or something else to make it, we are not Man- or Woman- enough.

But yet, rescue is a part of our lives. Fairy Tales are filled with stories of rescue. Tons of action movies feature the thrill of rescue. Legal dramas keep us on the edge of our seat wondering if the accused innocent will be rescued from the guilty plea.

These, however, feature rescue from external sources. That is acceptable. But needing to be rescued from our own mistakes, failures, sin, stupidity, or whatever is not. It is not exciting. Although, I guess shows like Intervention or the Biggest Loser might beg to differ. But still, that is the rescue of others. We don't need it.

I mean, we can stop at anytime with the anger, the drink, the sex, the greed, the lying. We don't need others to pray for that. God is not concerned about that small area. It is not a problem.

We are trapped in a prison of our own design, there is darkness in our skin and our cover is wearing thin. People will find us out. We will be exposed, seen for who and what we really are.

Then, and only then, will we beg for Rescue to Come.

Restoration

When we moved into our house, we loved everything about it. From the loft we called the 'grownup's playroom' to the kitchen layout, to the size of the rooms, and the numerous trees outside. The one thing that was lacking was the backyard. No fence, a deck that doubled as a trampoline (and rat's nest, we'd later learn)and was trapped in a fenced side yard the size of a VW bug, and the yard as a whole was sort of skinny, due to the angle of our lot.

We quickly opened up the tiny yard into the bigger and made a huge difference. Finally, we got a fence up that gave the kids and the dog a place to play. And when Kristin stepped on a rusty nail, right after Leslie stepped on the same nail, the bouncy decrepit deck came out.

What we were left with was dirt. Uneven dirt, that flooded. And we had this mud-maker for at least a year. It was time to restore.

So, for the last few days, we've been turning the mess into something to enjoy- a hardscape with crushed granite and flagstone steeping stones. What was once very embarassing, is now something that when finished Saturday, will be a proud beauty to show off.

When Christ comes to us, we too are often not being used to our full potential. Our lives are left wide open for all sorts of intruders to come and make a den in. The spaces of our heart are filled with springboard decks and rotten wood. When we do remove that stuff, we leave it barren for far too long, and a different kind of mess develops. It is only when we get serious, look deep at the problem and long for the true solution that our heart can be restored. Change must come for there to be restoration, the old must go.

We couldn't reuse the old materials in our yard, and we can't reuse the same old things that have gotten us through before- we must turn to the New Creation. Christ must remove and replace the broken things in us. He must renovate our heart.

He must:
"Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me"
-Psalm 51:12

Cracking a Hard Heart

The Gate just took part in our sort of quarterly event called Restoration. Essentially, it is a night to worship more through music than teaching, and most importantly, through observing the Lord's Supper, or Communion. This is our act of doing as Jesus commanded at the Last Supper to break bread and remember His body broken for us, and drink the fruit of the vine and remember His blood spilled for us.

It is also a call for us to examine our lives, to see where relationships are broken, with each other and with God. Done right, it can be painful.

This is a good thing, as we are called to share in the suffering of Christ. Repentance, or turning from our wrong actions, should not be taken lightly. When we repent, we are essentially killing a part of ourselves- a part of the sin that lives in us and grows like a weed or infection. Anyone who has ever had a garden knows weeds, unchecked will choke out the life of the plants you want to grow. Anyone who has had an infection (or seen Lonesome Dove) knows that infections unchecked can lead to painful consequences.

Sin, however, doesn't weaken the parts of our bodies- it hardens our heart. It makes us unreceptive to the gentle whisper of the Spirit. It makes us cold to the idea of holiness. It shuts down our desire for righteousness and creates a sort of fortress and prepares for siege. Sin makes our heart impenetrable by God or man.

Sin will lock out those closest to us, so we must break the hardened heart. But first, we must acknowledge that we are engaged in sin and want to be free. A lot of people I know, as well as myself, are good at acknowledging we sin. We feel it when we hear a message at church, we hear it in a song, or from a friend. We know we are screw ups. But for whatever reason, we just don't want to be free- at least, a part of us does. This is the infection.

Something must be put into the human body that will kill an infection- an antibody. Antibodies kill infections, but you must have the right one for the particular virus. That's why sin is so hard to get rid of, we try self-help, we try rationing, we try accountability-- these in themselves are not bad, but they are insufficient if done by ourselves. Our condition is so dire, we need not just the right antibody, we need the exact right person to administer.

Unless we go to Christ, genuinely and with a broken heart, we will not overcome. We may need to begin by asking God to break our hearts over a sin, or even to show us what our sins are. We cannot cure ourselves, only He can.

We don't believe than anything mystical happens when we take the bread and the juice. (Yes, we use juice, not wine. Largely, its because we meet in a bar, and there might be issues with us administering actual alcohol.) It is not that they are the vaccine for our sin- but they are a reminder of Him who is the cure, the rescue, that we so desperately need.

Chad