“I'm addicted to Jesus.”
It's a fairly benign- if corny- declaration made by many a Christian. Heck, I've said it, usually with tongue planted firmly in cheek. It is meant to imply a serious devotion to God, a “I gotta have Him” attitude. It's meant to imply that God is more important than anything else in the world- just like an addict would describe their addiction of choice.
I can see it, really. We talk of spiritual 'highs,' there are key moments in our faith that we are desperate to recreate/exceed, there is a feeling we long for in worship, there is a feeling of let down when we recognize our distance from God. There are Christians that come on so strong they can be offensive (when they are in the thrall of their God-addiction) but they burn out quickly and become unrecognizable. And of course, we all have our drug of choice- or several. Music, mountains, poetry, certain scriptures or whatever you like best- they all take us to that 'high.' And really, there's nothing wrong with that, right?
Or is there?
I first noticed a problem a couple years ago. Mountains were always one of my favorite 'God drugs.' From the first time I skied down one, to the time I stood atop a peak in Rocky Mountain National Park, to the numerous times I'd hiked (recklessly) around steep slopes, I'd worship God so deeply and strongly, and I'd feel so much more alive. High.
But that trip to Colorado didn't leave the same feeling. It was good, but the 'high' wasn't, really. I didn't think much of it at the time. But when music, one of my other “God Drugs” started to slack off in that 'worshipful high' department, I began to wonder. It was confirmed when I returned to Colorado earlier this summer, and again, failed to feel that 'high.'
Of course, I immediately thought that there must be something lacking in my spiritual life that is keeping me back. And I was right, but not how I thought.
Then, Sunday night at church, I was speaking about James 4- Submitting to God. James talks about how we fight each other to get what we want. He says we don't get what we want, because we don't ask God. Then, he drops a bomb.
When we do ask God, we ask with wrong motives, to get what we want for ourselves.
Suddenly, this God-addiction metaphor took on a whole new meaning. We are addicted to God because of what we get out of Him- we are addicted to the HIGH of worship and how it makes us feel.
Climbing that mountain, singing that song, writing this blog- it was done for ME. How it would make me feel. So, the drug addiction rule that the same old high is never good enough was true in my spirituality. I wanted more God because I wanted more feel-good.
Don't get me wrong, I think we should feel good, and enjoy worshipping God. But that is a result of worshipping God, not the chief goal.
But we have made it that.
Church is unfulfilling if we don't hear 'our' song, or the message isn't what we wanted to hear. We do this or that because it makes us feel better about ourselves. We seek purity so we can be a better person- for ourselves, not a higher Power. We are selfish, and as James says, we are adulterous. Not in the sleep-with-someone's-wife way, but in the sells-oneself-to-other-gods way. In this case, the god is us, our wants.
So, how do we detox from that, that desire to feel that spiritual high that has little to do with giving to God and a lot to do with filling my warm fuzzy meter?
James, ever at the ready, has the answer: Submit to God.
Not to the feeling, not to the high we get from serving Him, not to anything we get from Him. Just Him.
It's difficult, I'm already aware of that. Largely, its because we have tied God to His deeds and the enjoyment we get from that. And it is natural to enjoy God, its even good to enjoy God.
So, I'm starting by asking this question of myself- even if I get nothing out of it, will I still love and worship God? Then, I look not at what He has done for me, but at who He is, His character.
Loving, gracious, kind, powerful, creative, wise, holy....you get the idea. Even if none of these attributes benefited me, they are characteristics worthy of praise. That's where I'm starting.
See, the problem is not being 'addicted to God', the problem is we are addicted to what we get out of God. We need look no further that the drought affecting us in Texas right now. We are spending all sorts of time praying for God's grace and rain- are we spending equal time worshipping God even as He withholds the rain?
I know I'm not- because I'm selfish, and I don't want to thank God for my suffering.
Years of feeding my 'good feeling' addiction have led to this thought- and it's time to change. It's time to remember that even if Jesus didn't die for me, He is worthy of praise. That I need to be thankful in the midst of the empty as well as the plenty.
I need to ask God to act not for my benefit, but for His glory.
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An addendum- Part of the awesomeness that is God is that much of His character is defined by what He does- and what He does for us. God is Love. It is demonstrated by His love for us. So, it is important to realize that devoting ourselves to God implies we will get blessing from it. We can't stop that from happening, nor should we try.
But we still need to seek to pursue God first and foremost, and not for what we get from Him.
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