Restless

For some time now, I've been growing restless.

Now, I don't mean in in the sense that I'm ready to make huge changes like moving or a mid-life crisis/new sports car or suddenly becoming a vegan.  But I do mean restless in the sense that when things become too comfortable, I get bored and I want something to reinvigorate me.  I've felt this way numerous times in my life, probably the most significant being the time leading up to God calling me to start what has become the Gate.  I'd been in the youth ministry for about 7 years, and I'd been in pretty traditional churches.  We saw the same Bible studies year after year, dealt with the same issues, saw the same results.  Add to that the stirring in my heart to lead a church, and the fact that at 27, with no seminary degree (this means no one would hire me to run a traditional church), and I felt trapped.

So, God led me to a place of restlessness so that I'd start a church in a bar that went to where the people who needed Jesus were- not asking them to come to us.  

It seems strange that it's been nearly four years since that time in Colorado when God moved me so powerfully during a message from a guy from Campus Crusade talking about college ministry.  His description of a hedonistic lifestyle at a rather 'free living' kind of college broke my heart for a generation I was not so far removed from, yet already sensing a great space between us.  In those moments, I knew what I had to do, i just had no idea the hurdles that lay ahead.

Now, we are a three year old church- approaching this fall our 3rd year of meeting at Hurricane Harry's across from Texas A&M.  We're about to get through all the red tape of being a fully recognized 501(c)3, about to have an on-campus student organization for the first time, about to get to meet some new freshmen at Impact- a freshman retreat for those looking for God at A&M, and about to generally enter a new stage of life for our little group.

And I'm restless.

So much of what we are as a church is exactly what I'd hoped for- welcoming, standing strong for God's Truth but not being jerks about it, and free to be something completely different if we want to be.  

But I'm not satisfied.

I look at who we are and see that there are students who have grown in Christ so much since we met them.  But I also see some that have reached a point where they seem to be content to set up camp and just hang out there, never seeking the deeper things of God.  

I can't blame them, I'm there, too.

I think it's maybe a combination of burnout on the endless red tape thrown at us by the obligations of the government and other institutions, combined with a low spiritual gas tank from lots of giving and not much getting.  I mean that in the sense of not getting the time with God that really fills me, time spent alone with Him in a place of inspiration.  There have been a few me in my life- but maybe none more potent and inexplicable than the mountains.

My family and I are going there seeking rest and relaxation- a recharging, if you will.  But for me, the goal is a particular mountain.  It's called Handie's Peak, and it is 14,048 ft at the summit.  And I want to climb it.

I realize we may not make it to the top, but I need to give it a shot.  Here's why:  I need to be reminded that all the things that have worn me out about starting and leading a church are so worth the view from the mountain.  I need to go to a place where I have always felt nearer to God, because I feel distant from Him.  And yes, I know God is always with me, but you know what I'm talking about.  There are places and memories that when encountered the residue of God's presence is so potent you can feel it.  

I need that to face what's coming.

See, when I get restless- God is doing something.  There is a longing in me for something more- a God placed longing.  For all the good stuff I've seen the last four years- God's vision, provision, and power as well as the hearts of His children blossoming- He's got better up His sleeve.  

I want to be ready for it.

Call it a Vision Quest, call it a road trip, call it family vacation.  I call it worship.  I am seeking to Approach God, to listen for His voice, and to be changed by what I hear.  And I can do it just as well hiking up a mountain with my family as I can sitting on a bar stool (or pew, for the rest of you folks) this Sunday.  In fact, I'd argue, there are times we all need to worship outside the traditional confines of our church.  It gives us a fresh, new perspective on things, a sort of 'wide horizon' view of God.  It's God unBoxed.  It was good for Moses, Elijah, and Jesus.

So, if I'm to lead my church, I need to seek my God.  Wherever He may be.  My prayer is that we all grow a little Restless in our pursuit of God- because it means He is on the move.