Clique-it or Ticket

I remember dreading the times when teams were picked at recess.

I was smaller than the rest, and not quite as fast, so I was always toward the end of the 'pick.'  I would watch as people slower than me got picked, people who couldn't catch as well (and I was pretty awful), and people who couldn't spell football were higher draft picks than I.  Yes, there was favoritism in pick-up football in elementary school.

And yes, there is favoritism in the church.

Oh, it's much more subtle than getting picked last at recess, though.  You'll be greeted, told "We're glad you came," and shown where to sit and what to do.  We'll probably at least attempt small talk.  But then, the favoritism starts.  People drift off to their seats, with their friends.  Or they turn the conversation to something they feel comfortable with.  Inside Jokes, and shared cultural interests eclipse you, the visitor.  And you're left standing alone in a room full of people.

 My brothers and sisters, believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ must not show favoritism. Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in filthy old clothes also comes in. If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, “Here’s a good seat for you,” but say to the poor man, “You stand there” or “Sit on the floor by my feet,”  have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?
                                                                                                         ---James 2: 1-4


I remember when the way we dressed was a source of discrimination in church.  Heaven forbid someone wear jeans.  Thankfully, this is passing now, and every service is more of a "Come as you are."  But we still judge whether this person coming to visit us is rich or poor.  Usually, it's a spiritual judgment:  "Are they spiritually strong, so I don't have to work to love them, or is this one gonna be a toughie?"


The honest truth is, no matter how much we try, we will occasionally show favoritism.  This is something that even though it is a natural thing for us, it shouldn't be something we do.  There is nothing wrong with having some people be closer to you than others, or having a best friend.  There is nothing wrong with recognizing those who do good, nothing wrong with people getting more responsibility for serving well.  But when we create a wall around us that blatantly or subtly says, "Keep Out!" we are in the wrong.  So, I want to ask you to evaluate yourself.  Are you showing favoritism- are you putting people off by ignoring or mistreating them when they come to church?  I ask because all people coming to church are thinking:  "Clique-it or ticket."  In other words- they want to belong to something that matters, to be accepted, or they are on the first bus out of your church. (I'm using the word Clique her because of the close knit nature of cliques.  By the way, cliques get a bad rep.  The good thing about a clique is there is trust and deep relationship.  The problem is that when it becomes exclusive, it ceases to serve the Body of Christ.)


Does Everyone Know Your Seat?  
In Independence, Texas, there sits a little old Baptist Church.  Inside is the pew Sam Houston- governor and president of Texas (not at the same time)- sat at each week.  We know, because it has a plaque.  This is a common thing even today, where you walk into a church, take a seat and are told that Mrs. Curmudgeon sits there and you better move.  She OWNS that seat, after all.  OK, so maybe you don't sit in the same EXACT spot every week, but do you sit with the same people?  And no, sitting with your family doesn't count as bad. Do you ever make it a point to sit with the new face that walked in?  Do you ever even try to sit next to someone who has been attending for a long time, but you've never met?

Visitors who do return multiple times will quickly pick up that that group you're always with is made up of the people that matter most to you.  And they'll know they aren't in it, nor will they ever get in it.  So be aware, and shake things up from time to time.


Do You Have A-B Conversations (So C Yourself Out)?
Sometimes, a deeply spiritual  conversation will occur, and the need for exclusivity is present.  But when it's small talk, and the conversation is littered with inside jokes, or deep philosophical views of the beauty of the Wishbone offence, or the most efficient way to defrag a hard-drive, you're picking favorites.  This one is so subtle, you probably don't even realize it's happening.  You talk about what comes naturally.  And if someone there at church shares an interest, you become laser like focused on that interaction.  But the new person may not give a rip about the fact that they ruined Batman comics when they made Dick Grayson wear the suit at the same time as Bruce Wayne.  So they drift around, or stand there awkwardly nodding like they have a clue what you're talking about.


Church has small talk, it is a key part of growing to know each other.  But the small talk needs to be open to new people, broad topics, and something that can include them.  If you feel the conversation straying and the person feeling in the dark, steer it back to common ground.  If the deep conversation you wanted to have with someone is that important, grab coffee later.  


Do You Ever Let People Sit Alone?


If I see a person sitting alone, I try to sit with them.  Now, I can only do that until I have to get up to teach, but even that seems to help the person be put at ease.  And really, that is what church is supposed to do- make people as comfortable and as prepared as they can be to hear the worship and word of God.


I have been to churches that I felt like an outsider, almost from the word "GO!"  I'm greeted at the door, shown to my seat and then forgotten.  And to be far, I've seen evidence of this modern day favoritism in my own church and my own actions.  It is a struggle to fight those urges to go to what is comfortable, safe and known.  Yet, the call of Christ is to open our arms, and our lives, to others.  To the misfits, the lost, the awkward, the shy, and yes, the outsider.


I think your weekly gathering for worship is as good a place as any to practice the art of anti-favoritism.