When Forgiveness Does Flow Freely

I know I should, but I just don't want to.

Forgive, that is.

This is new for me. I've been wronged before, I've been betrayed- honestly, I've had way worse things happen to me than the slight I'm obliquely referring to. Every time, I've been mad, furious even, for a day or two and then I forgive, and move on.

But this time, this time I hear that still small voice saying "Forgive, and move on." I know that's right, I know I should.

I just don't want to.

I think that says more about me than the person who hurt me. I mean, I follow Christ, who, even though He knew we would stab Him in the back at the drop of a hat, still invited us to dinner with Him. This guy, who hung on a cross, looked at the ones who physically and legally and spiritually put Him there and said "Father, forgive them, they don't know what they're doing." This Jesus who heard Peter deny he'd ever met the Nazarene, yet still gave him the reins of the Church.

But I can't forgive someone for being poor with communication and insensitive.

How petty have I become?

Not only that, how dangerous is it that I don't forgive? Jesus himself said that if I don't forgive others, why should God forgive me? I'm basically saying I am OK with allowing myself to be in broken relationship with God because my feelings are hurt by someone else.

And that's the point where I realize how bad I've become. Because I am NOT OK with a broken relationship with God. I NEED Him. I cannot endure the trials before me if He is not with me- or rather, if I am not with Him. So, my first step is to ask God to forgive me for being unforgiving.

The next step is to paraphrase Mark 9:24: "Lord, I want to forgive; help me in my unforgiveness!"

The final step to trust the Spirit will guide me to forgiveness, and that I will be tender-hearted enough to finally and freely offer it.

This is as close as I'll get to "Tebowing"

To be honest, I'm not sure what to make of Tim Tebow.

First of all, I think he is 100% genuine and real in his faith, and I hope he succeeds greatly. But he's a little too happy, "sunshine and rainbows" to me. This is a minor quibble, and I've found myself rooting for him after all.

The difficult thing for me is that his escapades have made me call into question a belief I've long held about sports- should we pray for victory for 'our' sports team?

I'll come back to that in a minute. In the meantime, Tim Tebow as a person is worth looking at.

Last week, I was talking about "Viral" Christianity, and mentioned there was a person who was about as Viral as a Christian can get these days. That person, is Tim Tebow. He's got over a million followers on Twitter; when he tweets, they spread like wildfire; was recently named by ESPN as America's most popular athlete; he started the phenomenon of 'tebowing' (unintentionally); thanks to him, John 3:16 was a top search result a few weeks back; and everywhere you turn someone is writing an article about the boy.

Or, they are trying to tear him down.

Wanda Sykes ripped into him on Jay Leno. Saturday Night Live had Jesus telling him to "tone it down" a bit. SNL was kinda funny- Sykes came off as bitter. His fellow athletes either respect him, hate him, or just don't know what to do with- but they can't stop talking about him.

If this were Terrell Owens, or Deion Sanders back in his heyday (yep, dating myself- he is fact the football fairy on those DirecTV ads. Not so much a star these days)- then I'd chalk it up to shameless self promotion. But Tebow seems honestly humble, and somewhat surprised by all the hubbub. Even if his handlers are master marketers, he's coming off as a nice guy, who is sincere in his faith. He stands for what he believes, he respects others of differing opinions, and he seems to have a heart to serve others.

So it was that I found myself slowly starting to watch the Broncos and hoping for a win. Apparently, a lot of speculators began wondering if God was in fact fighting for Tebow and his team. I've always thought it ridiculous (and a little bit offensive) that some people thought God cared at all about sports. They are nothing when compared to the suffering and plights of so many. If God chose to pick favorites with a sports team and let people continue to go hungry, then I'd have a problem with God.

Then, as the showdown with the Patriots last week loomed, something dawned on me. A seminary professor once imparted this wisdom on me- "God meets people where they are." He said that the Old Testament is full of God being warlike- sending Israel to fight and kill and destroy their enemies, seemingly under not just God's blessing, but His power. The reason: the people of that time assumed that the most powerful army had the most powerful god. You win a battle, your god is better than the other guys. And people would see this and seek the winning god. God killing and destroying seems the antithesis of a loving God we want to talk about today, but really, His warlike nature was an extension of His love. He was trying to win people by speaking their language. Fluently.

We know longer think that the biggest army has the biggest god. Wars don't change the religion of people. OK, well in some places yes, but its because the new government forces a change, not because people choose it. But in America, Sunday afternoons are the modern day equivalent of Jericho, Megiddo and all the Old Testament battlefields.

Suddenly, I wondered: What if God is using Tim Tebow to win the hearts of a nation by granting (or allowing) miraculous victories? Would it be wrong for us to pray for the victory of a man and his team if that victory results in more people hearing of Christ, seeking out a Bible verse, or maybe, just maybe, starting to think Tebow is blessed and used by God and that God is real?

I know what you're thinking, that lots of people say that "God likes Tebow" and it's sarcasm. Yep, that's right. But when Yahoo and Google and all sorts of search engines show that John 3:16 is trending because Tim Tebow threw for 316 yards, averaging 31.6 yards a pass- oh and John 3:16 is his favorite verse- well, it's hard to deny God is using Tebow to get His Word out.

I'll admit, the yardage and passing average thing is kinda cheesy- but then, who am I to question how God does things?

In the end, I don't think I'll make it a habit of praying for my team to have victory every time. But, if I know that the message of Christ will not only be spoken of, but in some small way even validated, by the victories of a team, then, yeah, I'm gonna pray for that.

I think Tebow is a good guy- I wish him well, and that he stands firm in his faith. But I caution, and I think he would as well, don't idolize him. Don't deify him. He is not God, nor is he the Second Coming. He's a football player. He is a Christian. He will fail, he will mess up, he will sin. When that happens, let us pray for him, and not drop him as a "fine, young Christian role model."

But please, please, don't let him do another Denver Mattress commercial.

Viral

We are living in a viral world, yet our faith seems to have been cured of this threat. There is very little “viral” about modern Christianity- except that it seems to be like the “viral” of old, in that many people want to avoid it at all costs.

The irony is that Christianity at its core is made to be viral. Spread from person to person in and increasingly contagious manner until it reaches pandemic status. There have been books about becoming a “contagious” Christian, and the faith has been called the good infection. But a more common term today for Christianity is ‘plague,’ at least among non-believers and nominal Christians. But these are areas I will get to over the next few weeks, today I want to look at the phenomenon that is “viral,” and the fact that Christianity was once viral, and must be again.

Defining Viral
First, we need to define what makes something ‘viral.’ I hold that there are four things that are key to something catching on and going crazy.

1. It connects. I don’t know how it happens, but viral things connect with people. Something about the music in the video, the plot of the story, the oddball-ness of the idiot trying something dangerous- something connects with you. You see yourself in them, or someone you know; it makes you laugh hysterically or groan deeply; it wakes you up to something new and fresh and challenging. Whatever it is, you are hooked.

2. It’s low budget or low effort. Some things have high production values, but they are not marketed with tons of money. They catch on and take a life of their own- they need no promotion. Some of the better viral videos are of people just catching themselves doing life. Hilariously. Viral comes not (always) from careful planning, but from dumb luck.

3. It’s pervasive. Once it’s viral, you can’t escape it. It’s on TV, every website, in the conversations of your friends. Once it hits your parents and grandparents- forget about it.

4. It’s addictive. Some things you just keep going back to. Movie trailers you watch over and over, phrases you can’t stop saying, tunes you can’t get out of your head. You want more, and more, and more.

Viral Bible
Jesus was viral.

He told stories that connected with people, that were not flashily promoted, that got spread all over the world- and they left people wanting, no, needing, more. Same for the healings, the teachings and the man Himself.

His followers were viral, too. They would hear His words and spread them. People would believe without meeting Jesus personally, because the account of the believer was so powerful and connective.

Three thousand people believed at one time during Pentecost- in large part because the Holy Spirit let every understand the Gospel in their own language, and the Gospel was powerful.

Paul’s letters were really the first chain letters. “Read this, apply it to your life, and pass it on to five of the closest churches.” This action shaped the early church and the theology of the rest of church history.

We Must be Viral
It’s in the blood of those who choose Christ to be viral. He wants to spread Himself to others, and He does it through you and me. But in order for us to be viral, we must remember that Christ connects with us- we must find our heartbeat.

We must have something worthy of saying.

Too many of us think we take Christianity viral by using scripture for EVERY. SINGLE. STATUS. UPDATE.

Something else about viral: it bring something new or at least something relevant.

I realize I will be lynched by many for this, but Scripture is not new, nor is it relevant to a lost world. They have heard it before, and never seen it lived out by those spouting it- it is irrelevant.
Scripture is, I believe, totally true and relevant- but I’m a believer. Those that are not, see the world for what it is that they can touch- what they can verify. If we want to reach them, we have to reach them on their ground, on their turf. Scripture can and must come into play at some point, but in the lead up, what people need to see is something in our lives, our character, worthy of sharing with the world- worthy of connecting with.

Next week, we’ll look at Patient Zero- how to start the viral movement with yourself. Later on this week, I hope to post something regarding a particular person who is about as viral as any Christian I know- and talk a bit about what is good and bad about that.

Jeremiah 29:11 is a Half Truth

Jeremiah 29:11 gets all the press.

Tell someone you're down about the way things are going with school or work or a relationship, and I'm pretty sure a Christian will begin their advice with "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

It's a good verse- and I believe it has truth to it. Plus it looks good embroidered on a pillow and makes the advice giver seem somewhat enlightened. But there are two things that have always bugged me about it. One, the context is that Israel is being told they will get out of captivity and get to go home. Yes, this is a prophecy, but it is given specifically to the nation of Israel. But the greater context of the Bible does back up that part about God knowing the plans He has for us, so I'm good there. Honestly, this part doesn't bother me much.

But the second one does. Jeremiah 29:11 is truth- but it is only a part of the truth of this passage. When we read 29:11, we think God's benevolence is at work- and it is. We think God is just going to give us prosperity and good times- which is NOT the case. Disagree with me? Let's see what comes next in verses 12-14:

Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the LORD, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”

See, the prosperity and lack of harm are, in fact, contingent on something. Several things actually. First, we must call on God, go to Him in prayer. No problem, you might say, you pray all the time, so you must be good. I pray a lot, too, but I don't always find prosperity or lack of harm in my life- how about you? Often, we pray BECAUSE of the problems in our lives. I know I often pray because I feel I need something, not because I want to chat with God. Perhaps that is why we often feel our prayers don't reach beyond the ceiling.

We are not, in fact, seeking God when we pray- we are seeking His blessing.

God essentially tells us that the good stuff is contingent upon the second thing- that we actually seek HIM, and with our whole heart. OK, easy enough to try to shift our focus from seeking God's stuff to seeking Him as a Person, but it's more than that. He asks for our whole heart to be in it.

Whole heart. Not half, not three-quarters, not 99.999999%. Whole. All of it.

I read of people griping that they can't see God, or hear/understand what He is saying in scripture, or that God just doesn't seem to be around anymore. I've heard people- believing Christians- say that. I've said that. And at the same time, I've known, deep down (for me at least, I can't speak for the others) that those moments come most often when my heart is, in fact, divided.

I can't find God when I'm looking for Him and fulfillment at work and ideas for the church and how to be a better husband and father. These are good things, important things, but if they are dividing my heart, they are going to block my view of God. I get that. But at the same time, just what is a "whole heart" and how do I get it?

Is God asking us to forsake all other people and things for Him?

Umm, yeah, He is.

He's not asking you to leave your family, quit your job and join a monastery, He's asking for your undivided heart- your undivided attention. Family, career, church- all of that can and should still be in your life, but instead of it being a portion of your life (read: heart) it should be a portion of your relationship to God. That's what I think He asking when He asks for our whole heart: That everything we do, we do for Him. Everything we think, pursue, say, attempt- all done with the mind of "How does this glorify God?"

I must confess this is a struggle I find growing increasingly difficult in my own life. I am often tempted to try to sort out things without asking that question first and often. I go to God with questions and requests for the purpose of my own prosperity and freedom from harm- not to just be with God. I often put church before God. I guess that makes me a Pharisee. I do good things and wait expectantly for blessings that never come. I ask God why, and He is probably responding with- "You did that for you, not for me."

So, back to Jeremiah 29:11- God tells Israel (and us) that He has no plans to bring us harm, but plenty to bring us prosperity. (An aside- I think this means a spiritual prosperity as much or more than any material prosperity.) What verse 12 tells us is that God has told us this hope, so that we would truly seek Him- then and only then will the plans God has for us come to fruition.

They are contingent upon God's grace, but like always with God's grace, it is contingent upon our acceptance of it. And we accept it by seeking God, looking for Him with all our attention AND affection.

Perhaps that is what "whole heart" is all about. All our attention and affection, given to God.

Sounds like good things are already pouring in with that attitude.

The Church We Were Made to Be

I like to think of this as a sort of "movie trailer" for the Gate this Spring. And I love the song and the people in the video.

Where Do We Go From Here?

It was September, 2008.

The Gate had started with a handful of people. Literally, like five of us gathered in our living room. And that had gone on for a few months, but now, it was clear, we needed to go public. A couple weeks before we wanted to start, we still had no place to meet when Hurricane Harry's called us back. The rest of that is history. Then, Hurricane Ike hit, and evacuees staying at Reed Arena kept Breakaway from meeting there- and Breakaway was the venue we chose to tell the world (or, well, Texas A&M and Blinn students) about us. We were postponed 2 or 3 times before that first night at Harry's, but when it finally got set in stone we were meeting that Sunday late in September, we realized we still needed a worship leader. We got one the Friday before that Launch Sunday.

The big night came, and nothing went right during set-up. The sound system at Harry's was incompatible with our stuff. The video wouldn't work. We began to panic. That first night we had 19 people. Some were friends coming to support us, but over half would become regular Gate people. Over the next three years, people came and went, we built a core group, and leaders were forged. Our style changed, we've had four sets of regular worship leaders, we've moved our spot in Harry's at least four times. But some of the people had been there up from the start.

Now, as 2012 is about to kick off, we have graduated the last of the original members of the Gate. The only originals are Kristin and I (and our kids). Essentially, we have had a 100% turnover rate.

Just like we planned.

In the last few weeks, I've been hearing from some our current members, curious about our direction and sudden leadership vacuum. When talking with other ministers and other Christian friends, I am often asked- either inherently or implicitly- the same question: Where does the Gate go from here?

My response has been to smile, and lean back just a little, and say: Now, we experiment.

From the start, one of the exciting things about The Gate has been that we have a chance to start fresh every semester, and about every four years we have a whole new church. It keeps us fresh, it keeps us expectant, and it keeps us busy. We cannot afford to rest and let the people come to us, we must now, more than ever, go to the people. Meeting in a bar is not enough- we must be proactive in sharing Christ. But more than that, we must offer the message of Christ in a unique way that stays true to the TRUTH of Christ, but is able to connect with a generation more than a little cynical about all things Christian.

I've been reading a book, called "You Lost Me" by David Kinnaman. It's a book about 18-29 year olds and the way they are mass-exodusing the church these days. He talks about three types of groups that these folks break down in to. Prodigals no longer call themselves Christians and pursue other faiths. Nomads still call themselves Christians, but are disconnected from faith communities and active lives for Christ. The last group is Exiles, and they are the ones who are still devoted to Christ- as much or more than most regular church-goers. But, they find that the human institution of church is failing and at points hindering them. They are scientists, artists, creatives, and new-thinkers, and the church (in their view) has stifled and downright ignored their passions. Even when those passions are attempting to reach those who need Christ.

I share this little book review because these Prodigals, Nomads, and Exiles are who the Gate has come to College Station for. But now, we need to be the Exiles. We need to be artists, creators, innovators, scientists. We need to learn not how to be good Christians at church, but how to be good Christians in the lab, the class, the law firm, and the dump truck. We need to learn how to share Christ with more than just our memorized verses and hollow platitudes. In fact, to reach this generation, we need to forget the platitudes and bumper sticker theology altogether. And Scripture- which is still sharper than a double edged sword- has no meaning to the masses if we don't provide living examples of it. They want to see it in action, not just hear it repeated to them again.

So, how does that new vision coincide with what has gone on on the road so far?

God provides.

It will probably be last minute. It will probably come from an unexpected source. It most likely won't look exactly like we expect.

But it will be undeniably God.

I've heard that trying to closely follow God is like trying to ride a wild stallion or hang onto the tail of a comet. It's dangerous, it's exhilarating , and it is scary. But to succeed in it is amazing. So where does the Gate go from here?

We're gonna find out what its like to ride the tail of a comet.

Being Miserable at Your Job for God's Glory

The other day, I was having lunch with Craig, a local pastor, and we were talking about ministry and "the call." We both agreed that a calling to full time ministry means that you will be miserable doing anything else- because if God calls you to serve, that's where He wants you.

I thought a lot about this over the last few days, in the midst of being miserable at my day job, and decided it is so true. Yet, there is, as always, an exception. What if God calls you to a ministry, but that ministry can't pay you?

When we started the Gate, I knew that I would have to become bi-vocational, and I was OK with that. In the early days, it was pretty easy to balance the two, especially since my day job offered a great flexibility. I could work through lunch and be able to meet people for coffee in the afternoon and still have time for family in the evenings. The job was low stress (other than the fact that being a legal assistant in delinquent tax law means all I do is research, and I hate research) and the pay was good. On the Gate side, we were still in high single digits to barely teens, so there wasn't as much time needed for that.

Over three years later, much of that has changed. The Gate is running in the mid-twenties with great potential to grow this spring- despite there being NO advertising at all this last semester aside from word of mouth. I'm scheduled to be meeting with three guys one-on-one on a weekly to semi-weekly schedule, plus I'll be meeting with the worship leader, when we find them. (They're not lost, we just need a new one due to graduation.) With Wally stepping back from the church, there are many things he did that I now have to do- they're small, but they are things like setting up slides for the messages. Also, with growth, there is a need growing to put our church in action like it never has been before- we need to be going, and going hard to the community around us. With the Wellborns gone, as well as our biggest graduating class ever, we are at a point where we have to take risks, and we have to spend time growing leaders to fill gaps.

I've not been this excited about the Gate since we started her. The possibilities are keeping me filled with hope and expectation and vision.

But my day job, that thing I keep so I can pay the bills, is killing me. I still have that freedom part, but with the increased needs of the Gate, it's not enough. The pay has stayed about the same as when I started, so that's no good. And the stress part? Let's just say there are certain elements in play that necessitated an early Christmas present punching bag for relief.

I'm not doing the Gate full-time, and I'm miserable.

I've looked at getting another job, but I realize now that nothing will allow me the freedom to do the Gate and the salary to pay the bills. Nothing, that is, aside from working for the Gate. The problem is, the Gate has about enough money to pay rent at the bar and handle a few miscellaneous needs that arise here and there. The Gate has never asked for money outside of itself, and so far, God has provided for the needs we have. But now, we sit at a point where we need God to up the provision.

I'd love to have someone donate the money to pay me full time and have enough left over to fulfill some of the needs we have like paying the rent and upgrading equipment that is growing old and funding mission opportunities. I want the Gate to grow, and reach people and be light to the campus of A&M and the cities of BCS. I need more time to devote to that, and the funds to support the ideas God is growing in me and in the people of our church.

And so, we're back to the start of this blog- that a person called to serve God full-time will be miserable if they do anything else. I am called to the Gate, yet I must work in tax law to be able to serve the Gate and reach people for Christ. I'm a "tentmaker" like Paul.

This is my trial.

But this, this is my hope:

"In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls." ----1 Peter 1:6-9

If I must be miserable as a legal assistant so that I may know the joy of seeing God work in the lives of the people the Gate reaches, then so be it.

I need more time to devote to the Gate, but until I have it, I will take your prayers. Because with them, it is not just the Gate and I who reaps their blessing, it is you as well. For your prayers are what give the Gate and I support. Support when we are stressed, support when we are down, support when things don't go well. But you will also rejoice with us when God brings victory, salvation, and hope.

And though we might have trouble seeing Him now, I believe in Him- and that gives me joy.