"How has attending this church changed you?"--Impact Questions

I just finished going to the Impact Ministry Fair- part of a incoming freshmen ministry (http://impactretreat.com/) that acts as a Christian Fish Camp (http://fishcamp.tamu.edu/) for students coming to A&M and Blinn.  Around 1500 students come seeking a connection with God, and through the ministry fair held on the third day, to connect with local churches and religious organizations.  There are three sessions, and I went to the first and third.

And met a lot of people.

One guy hugged me.

It was awkward.

But the most interesting thing, aside from seeing the student's faces grow with excitement the more they mingled the room, was the questions.  They ranged from practical, to theological, to (at least to me) funny.  Some of my favorites:

-Do you guys meet in a bar on purpose, or was there just nowhere else you could go?
-Do I have to be 18 to attend your church?  Cuz I'm only 17.
-Is your church only for people a certain age- cuz it's in a bar?
-So, are you a church or what?

But my favorite isn't really funny.  In fact, it caught me by surprise.  It took me a second to respond, because I had never had this question asked of me- ever.  Not about any church I'd attended or served at.  And it should be asked.  Often.

How has attending this church changed you?


Now, I'm pretty sure the student thought I was a student also- I get that sometimes- so my initial response was to clarify just who I was (yeah, that was kinda prideful, sorry).  "Well, I started the church, so that was kinda a big change."

Now, I realized that was a ridiculous non-answer, and would help this student nary a bit in his search for a church home.  So, I followed up with how God has taught me patience, perseverance and to trust in Him.  I related stories of how our initial expectations went unmet and we had to lean on God and His timing- which was much slower than we liked.  I told of how we were often surprised how God did work.  We talked for a few minutes, then he went on his way.  I was left thinking about that question.

How has attending this church changed you?


The more I've thought about it, the more I realized just how much the Gate has changed me.  It's made me more diplomatic in dealing with people, but also strengthened my desire to never compromise the Gospel.  It's made me realize how much I love getting one on one with people and really talking God and our lives-the personal, deeper stuff.  It has made me hate apathy in my own life and the lives of those I care about so much more.  I've changed the way I view church, and it seems year by year I shed old formulas and start approaching it more freely.

Now, I say it's the Gate that's made these changes- but the Gate and its people are merely the tools, the instruments God uses to mold me.  Just like any church.  But, the question is still a sound one, and one that we all need to ask ourselves about own church.

How has attending this church changed you?


If you can't answer that- it's time to evaluate.  Churches exist to worship and spread the message of God.  Inherent in the message of Christ is that we grow and we change.  This change is facilitated primarily by the work of the Holy Spirit, but also by the work of the church and our own realizations and acceptance of what God is doing.  If you honestly can't say how attending your church has changed you- you need ask two questions:  1) What's wrong with me?   And 2) What's wrong with my church?  The follow up to both of those is What can I do to change the problem?  If it's you- seek God for His insight on what's wrong with you- your failings you can't see.  If it's the church, seek God's wisdom on how to lead out in fixing the situation.  And with the church- exhaust every effort to reconcile and heal the church- leaving is a last resort.  It is because it will do just as much damage to you as it will the church.  Churches- even broken ones- need people who are seeking God to make it all right.

So, I leave you with the question- and I hope you can answer it:

How has attending your church changed you?

Building a Better Church

A friend was recently telling me that his church just announced that they'd be building a new building, a bigger building to fit their growth.  While it is great that a church is growing so much it needs more space, issues arise.  Not everyone will like it, being the key one.  But there are costs to be assessed, logistics to be worked out, and, hopefully, much prayer to engage in.

            Now, I've been in a few churches that go through building projects.  Some were to construct all new facilities, some were simply renovations.  All of them paid close attention to the things it needs to make a good building- in other words, the right materials and a good blueprint.  As a I listened to my friend talk about his church's plan, it got me thinking about a different kind of church construction, the spiritual kind.  See, my current church in a building plan, but we have no desire to invest in bricks and mortar, steel and wood.  No, we are at a juncture where we must become very intentional about how we build our church.  Here are a few of the things we need to make the structure sound.

Foundation

            It may sound like a cliché, but the foundation of a church is the most important thing we do.  It must be planted in Christ, His life, death, and resurrection, and His teaching, including the taking part of ordinances (baptism and Lord Supper- the act of doing them, not the manner in which they are done, that comes later).  This is non-negotiable.  This must be rock solid.  A crack here will destroy everything that comes after.  Think of Jesus' own parable of the builders who built on sand and who built on rock.  The solid foundation is the clear winner.

            The problem I find in a lot of churches is that they try to put too much in the foundation.  They fill this base not just with Christ, but with denominational history, with tradition, and with preferences that have become dogma without being necessary to identifying with Christ.  These things are important, but they are not foundational.  The reason is that they are not eternal, unchanging things.  Christ alone is.  If you put something in the foundation that you later regret, you have to destroy the building to get it out.  So keep the foundation simple.

Framework

            Once the foundation is laid, you build on it.  Several things go into this:  Those beliefs that shape the core culture of the church beyond the foundation and the leaders. 

            These beliefs (probably called doctrine and/or policies by some) are important, but they are not foundational.  Baptism provides a great example of how these separate from the foundation.  Jesus teaching on baptism as a symbol of salvation- not the actual act of salvation- is foundational.  Whether that baptism is by sprinkling, immersion or another means is vitally important to the structure of the church, but it is not foundational.  You need to know where you stand as a church on issues like these, but they are not what makes or breaks you in the body of Christ.

            Now the leaders.  Leaders, as much as the doctrine, give shape to the church.  And I'm sure you'd agree when you look at the rise of the 'celebrity' pastor of today.  Major mega-church leaders shape so much of the views of their church. 

            But I'm not just talking about the pastors who lead.

            A church cannot survive or really even be healthy if the only leaders are the staff.  As a pastor, I'm begging you, if you are so called, to lead out in your church.  There are many non-clergy who are as much or more of a leader than the pastor.  You lead with your influence, with your skills, with your attitude.  If something comes up in church and people come to you- congratulations, you're a leader.  And you are part of the framework of the church.  Be active, be strong, and be careful.  Not all the framework is as important as others- support beams carry the bulk of the weight in a building and are more important than the smaller 2x4s that are also necessary to good construction.  Basically, be a leader, but don't overstep your bounds- for your sake and the church's.

            And the clergy- they better be solid or their failings and faults- as those support beams carrying so much weight- with bring the church down quickly.

Bricks

            The rest of the people in the church who are not leaders are the bricks.  They are what the rest of the world sees most often and therefore judges the church by.  A house with cracked, dingy brick is judged unappealing by the world.  As the bricks, you are the representative of the Framework and the Foundation.  You also protect and give strength to the church.  You may feel that you are not needed from time to time, but you need to realize that if even one brick were to leave it's place, the whole structure is weakened. 

            This doesn't mean that your only job is to be there.  You must be involved, engaged with the rest of the church.  Serve, don't just sit.  Find the spot you fit best and do the most and do it.  With all your heart.  With passion.

Mortar

            Without a bonding agent, bricks will eventually fall apart, no matter how good they are.  Mortar bonds bricks.  In the church, mortar is a combination of love and community.  And it is vital that both are present.  You can love people from a distance, and you can have community with people you don't really care about. 

            When love and community come together, you get groups of people who actually want to hear what your prayer needs are.  People want to help you through your struggles.  People want to share their lives- good and bad.  There are many churches out that that have good foundations, good framework, and good bricks.  But they fall apart because they don't connect to each other.  So, be attentive and eager to reach out to the people around you, whether they are new or old.

Doors and Decor

            Remember all those things in the foundation section like denominational history and preferences?  They are the doors and décor.  They give the church it's atmosphere, it's personality.  And they act as doors to allow people in or keep them out.  They are aesthetics.  Important to the overall finished product, but easily changed if needed.  The truth is, some people will “Love what you've done  with the place,” while others will hold their nose.  If these things become so off-putting, you might want to consider redecorating, as long as the redecorating doesn't damage the rest of the structure, especially the foundation.

Roof

            And over all this, must be prayer.  Simply put, prayer is the protection that puts the church 'in the dry.'  Without it, you are exposed, you are weak, and you will be destroyed.  Honestly, this section really ought to be included closer to the beginning of this little 'construction,' but it's here because it needs to be what we're left with.  Many churches try to make prayer part of the décor, but it is what encloses and holds together all that has come before:  foundation, framework, bricks, mortar, and doors and décor.         

            Pray for your church, and all the beliefs, people, and actions that make it what it is.  Cover each other in prayer.  Weather the storms that rise.

            My friend's church that is beginning a Church Construction phase has been blessed with growth in numbers.  There are many churches that have been down that road- and that is great.  But unless they properly construct the spiritual church- the physical building will itself become abandoned and decrepit. 

            Be wise builders, fellow Christ Followers.  Build not with the easy way, the palatable way, or the common way.  Build with the blueprint God enlightens you to.

Clique-it or Ticket

I remember dreading the times when teams were picked at recess.

I was smaller than the rest, and not quite as fast, so I was always toward the end of the 'pick.'  I would watch as people slower than me got picked, people who couldn't catch as well (and I was pretty awful), and people who couldn't spell football were higher draft picks than I.  Yes, there was favoritism in pick-up football in elementary school.

And yes, there is favoritism in the church.

Oh, it's much more subtle than getting picked last at recess, though.  You'll be greeted, told "We're glad you came," and shown where to sit and what to do.  We'll probably at least attempt small talk.  But then, the favoritism starts.  People drift off to their seats, with their friends.  Or they turn the conversation to something they feel comfortable with.  Inside Jokes, and shared cultural interests eclipse you, the visitor.  And you're left standing alone in a room full of people.

 My brothers and sisters, believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ must not show favoritism. Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in filthy old clothes also comes in. If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, “Here’s a good seat for you,” but say to the poor man, “You stand there” or “Sit on the floor by my feet,”  have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?
                                                                                                         ---James 2: 1-4


I remember when the way we dressed was a source of discrimination in church.  Heaven forbid someone wear jeans.  Thankfully, this is passing now, and every service is more of a "Come as you are."  But we still judge whether this person coming to visit us is rich or poor.  Usually, it's a spiritual judgment:  "Are they spiritually strong, so I don't have to work to love them, or is this one gonna be a toughie?"


The honest truth is, no matter how much we try, we will occasionally show favoritism.  This is something that even though it is a natural thing for us, it shouldn't be something we do.  There is nothing wrong with having some people be closer to you than others, or having a best friend.  There is nothing wrong with recognizing those who do good, nothing wrong with people getting more responsibility for serving well.  But when we create a wall around us that blatantly or subtly says, "Keep Out!" we are in the wrong.  So, I want to ask you to evaluate yourself.  Are you showing favoritism- are you putting people off by ignoring or mistreating them when they come to church?  I ask because all people coming to church are thinking:  "Clique-it or ticket."  In other words- they want to belong to something that matters, to be accepted, or they are on the first bus out of your church. (I'm using the word Clique her because of the close knit nature of cliques.  By the way, cliques get a bad rep.  The good thing about a clique is there is trust and deep relationship.  The problem is that when it becomes exclusive, it ceases to serve the Body of Christ.)


Does Everyone Know Your Seat?  
In Independence, Texas, there sits a little old Baptist Church.  Inside is the pew Sam Houston- governor and president of Texas (not at the same time)- sat at each week.  We know, because it has a plaque.  This is a common thing even today, where you walk into a church, take a seat and are told that Mrs. Curmudgeon sits there and you better move.  She OWNS that seat, after all.  OK, so maybe you don't sit in the same EXACT spot every week, but do you sit with the same people?  And no, sitting with your family doesn't count as bad. Do you ever make it a point to sit with the new face that walked in?  Do you ever even try to sit next to someone who has been attending for a long time, but you've never met?

Visitors who do return multiple times will quickly pick up that that group you're always with is made up of the people that matter most to you.  And they'll know they aren't in it, nor will they ever get in it.  So be aware, and shake things up from time to time.


Do You Have A-B Conversations (So C Yourself Out)?
Sometimes, a deeply spiritual  conversation will occur, and the need for exclusivity is present.  But when it's small talk, and the conversation is littered with inside jokes, or deep philosophical views of the beauty of the Wishbone offence, or the most efficient way to defrag a hard-drive, you're picking favorites.  This one is so subtle, you probably don't even realize it's happening.  You talk about what comes naturally.  And if someone there at church shares an interest, you become laser like focused on that interaction.  But the new person may not give a rip about the fact that they ruined Batman comics when they made Dick Grayson wear the suit at the same time as Bruce Wayne.  So they drift around, or stand there awkwardly nodding like they have a clue what you're talking about.


Church has small talk, it is a key part of growing to know each other.  But the small talk needs to be open to new people, broad topics, and something that can include them.  If you feel the conversation straying and the person feeling in the dark, steer it back to common ground.  If the deep conversation you wanted to have with someone is that important, grab coffee later.  


Do You Ever Let People Sit Alone?


If I see a person sitting alone, I try to sit with them.  Now, I can only do that until I have to get up to teach, but even that seems to help the person be put at ease.  And really, that is what church is supposed to do- make people as comfortable and as prepared as they can be to hear the worship and word of God.


I have been to churches that I felt like an outsider, almost from the word "GO!"  I'm greeted at the door, shown to my seat and then forgotten.  And to be far, I've seen evidence of this modern day favoritism in my own church and my own actions.  It is a struggle to fight those urges to go to what is comfortable, safe and known.  Yet, the call of Christ is to open our arms, and our lives, to others.  To the misfits, the lost, the awkward, the shy, and yes, the outsider.


I think your weekly gathering for worship is as good a place as any to practice the art of anti-favoritism.

The Storm of Being Known

As I write this, a cold front is blowing in. By 5, the temp will have dropped by 20 degrees, by 7 the wind chill will be in the twenties and the wind itself will be gusty. Not to mention that it's kinda drizzly and damp. For those of us in Texas, this is about as close as we get to "the weather outside is frightful."

Needless to say, the weather has me wanting to lock the door to the house, light a fire, crawl up in a blanket and hide from the world. I love the colder weather because it lets me just relax, in my safe, warm den.

It's why I like storms in general, actually. For me, there is nothing better than cozying up in a 'safe place,' and not being bothered by people. Yes, I am not a people person, despite being a pastor. I don't mind being around people, but it drains me. I've come to think that part of the reason it drains me is most interactions with people is about both of us trying to find a 'safe place.' You know, talking about what's comfortable, easy and not at all painful or personal. I also grow weary in large groups of people because I get real tired of holding up my mask- aka my defensive false self- so I can be like everyone else, who incidently, are also often holding their masks up as well.

There is no more draining exercise for me than hanging out with people who don't want to reveal what's really going on with them, despite claiming to be open and transparent. They hide behind sarcasm, arrogance, religion, or knowledge. They don't admit when they make mistakes, or they try to redesign what they did so that it's not really a mistake. And they never, ever admit their weakness. When they do, they admit it in a safe way. They never come out and say, "I struggle with an addiction to pornography, " or "I have a tendency to be an arrogant jerk," or "I'm worried about what's going on." No, they make vague, spiritual sounding admissions like, "I'm having a tough time, but trusting God." It sounds good, but it's missing something:

An actual request for help, from God or His church.

We don't want to ask for help- maybe a vague, "I need prayer for some stuff,"- because it makes us look weak, unspiritual. When in actuality, admitting our failures and fears is key to ACTUALLY trusting God. Matthew 11:28-30 has Jesus asking us to give these fears to Him: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”. And most of us do give it Him.

But there is more: we need to give it to each other.

Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves.--Galatians 6:1-3

Our attempts to mask our failures and fears are actually a deception perpetrated unto ourselves, by ourselves. I think we fail to do this because it would be like going out of our safe, warm den on a blustery, damp winter night. We've made a fire that gives us comfort while we sip our coffee/hot cocoa in our pj's, and we quite like just sitting here, not bothered by anyone. But this metaphorical storm doesn't let up like the one coming tonight for me will. This storm will grow, and we will hide, deeper and deeper until we are trapped in a prison that we call our 'safe place.' We will be disconnected from the ones who want to help us and, ultimately, we will begin to be disconnected from Jesus. Because the more deception that "I'm OK!" we pour on, the more we believe the lie that we don't need help.

As much as we would love to stay safe, we need to take our problems to those who love us: family, close friends, and especially fellow Christ Followers. Now, I don't think we need to share EVERY LITTLE PROBLEM- that would be rather High-School-Drama-ish, don't you think? But we do need to take the things we can't handle, the things we are tempted to hide from others, to the people who not only can help, but want to.

So, sometimes we need to put down the mug of warm beverage, put on a coat and douse the fire, then open the door and walk into the storm. We've got to face the raging problems- not alone, but with those who love us. If you're dealing with something you try so hard to hide behind some sort of mask- share the burden with someone who will pray for you, someone who will check up on you. Someone who will love you unconditionally.

It's one of the big reasons Jesus came to us.


PS: I don't get to relax by the fire tonight, I too have to go into the literal storm of cold and put up posters for our church around town and campus. And you know what, I'm doing with some fellow Christ followers- giving up comfort for a night to go shed a little hope (hopefully) into the lives of those who need it.

But after that- the fireplace and hot cocoa are on!

Scars of Friendship

I've been scratched a great deal over the course of my life. By pets, by my kids, by thorns, and once by a high school girl basketball player during a practice our JV had with them. But for the most part, these scratches were short lived, both in their appearance and their memory. I know these things happened, but details get fuzzy and often disappear altogether.

But my scars are a different story. I still bear a scar on my right hand/forearm from running into a cattle panel (a criss-cross of 1/4 inch steel bars used for fencing). It's about 2-3 inches long, visible and I can remember the searing feeling of its first appearance. Then there is the 'Nike swoosh' I have on my left index finger. It's there because I tried to take a stainless steel sink through a too narrow door, too quickly. Several stitches later, its still there and the feeling in that finger no longer is.

Scars stick with us, they make an impact. And as unflattering as it may seem, the people in our lives are either scratches or scars. Some of them make a mark on our lives that fades and disappears. Others remain in our lives long after they have moved on.

I'll never forget guys like Jared and Donald who would stand up for me when bullies or upperclassmen came around. They were protectors when I was unable to stand for myself. The image of Morgan and Michael running up the stairs to my apartment, then sitting with me for who knows how long as I came to grips with the news that my father had just passed away is one that is permanently on my heart. A young man named Lynn, just a year my senior, visited with me at my grandfather's funeral, offering words of comfort. Just a few months later I sat at his own funeral, struck still with the poignancy of his words.

Not all scars are bad memories, though. Ask a woman who bears the scar of a C-section and you will hear a story that results in great joy. Not unlike the person who bears a scar of a surgery that saved their life. Dusty was my "Disc Golf Discipleship" buddy. Dave was my crazy roommate that still managed to challenge me to grow in Christ. Jay and Glenn were two ministers that pushed and challenged me to use my gifts for the Lord, and occasionally threw down a bit of a gauntlet that spurred me on that path.

Most of these folks I've not seen in years, and only really interacted with via Facebook and email if at all. Yet I see their faces vividly, clearly, and their words and actions are a part of my soul. They are my Scars of Friendship.

I've been looking at the state of my life lately, and I have been disappointed in the level of impact I've had on those around me. Sure, if you ask the people around me they say I have had an impact, but I doubt its of the 'scar' variety. The mark I've made will fade in time. I know there are people I have left a permanent mark on, so this isn't a call for pity or encouragement from anyone- this is a wake up call to me, and I just want to share it with you.

I pastor a very small church. We want to be unique, non-traditional, and impactful. I've worried a lot about us making an impact on the community around us, asking if our little church in a bar disappeared tomorrow, would the community miss us. Sadly the answer is no. More sad is that a new question dawned on me last night. Would the people of the Gate really miss the Gate if it were gone? Have we made a true, 'scarring' impact on each other?

This is not an earth-shattering question, but rather a question any pastor should ask about his congregation. Do my people really matter to each other- do they NEED each other? Forget pastors, every follower of Christ needs to ask this question- Do I make an impact on those closest to me- to my brothers and sisters in Christ? Or am I just a good-time buddy, a common interest sharer, or a ride on a cold night?

The people who "scarred" me went deeper than the skin. They pierced something in me that was more a core thing, a soul thing. Our little community of believers have a lot of fun seeking God- but I wonder how deeply we seek Him. Does He leave a mark on us when we encounter Him as a church?

To me, the two are tied. If I am not living to make an impact on those around me, I'm living to allow God to make His on me. We've allowed our busy lives, and our fear of getting hurt, and our less important things take away from the impact we need to have on each other. We play our relationships safe, we keep our cards close to the vest as if we were playing Go Fish with our lives. If you're lucky, and guess just right, I'll reveal a bit of myself, open a bit of myself to you.

This must change, not just in our little church, but amongst followers of Christ everywhere.

So How Do We Do It?

Do Something That Matters Together- Some of the people that 'scarred' me did so in a very dramatic event- like the loss of something dear to me. I'm not saying we need to create something like that, instead, make it a positive thing. Go on a service trip together (aka Mission Trip). This bonds people together, and deeply, like nothing I've seen. You can do short term stuff, like a day event, but for it to really make an impact, it needs to be intense if it has to be short. Helping at a food pantry is good, but it doesn't go deep. The shorter the duration of the project, the more intense it should be. Ropes Courses are good that sort of thing, as well as the service stuff.

Be Open- We're so afraid of letting others in, that we close up our doors. We wear the equivalent of body-armor in our relationships with other Christians so we don't get hurt. Part of this is we fear we'll be judged, part of it is we fear being discovered as a phony. Sometimes, we need to be expose. Sometimes, we need to get hurt by those we love (in a helpful, good way, like how a surgeon does harm to make you better).

Set the Relationship on Christ- Yes, you need to be engaged with each other because you care about the other person. But you need to care about the other person because you love Christ. Your love for them will always be flawed and imperfect- His will never fail to be perfect. This is not easy, but if you want to impact your fellow Christ Follower, Jesus must be the foundation of the relationship.

The people who have left a 'scar' on my life have done so in at least one of these ways. It is in remembering their marking of my life that I encouraged today. To be a better husband, father, pastor, and friend. I share this in hopes that you too are 'scarred' in way that makes you think deeply about the impact you have on others. If you read this and it does speak to you, share it with friends.

I have come to realize that I need to make a difference in the lives of those closest to me if I ever want to make difference in the lives of those farthest from me. My 'scars' have come from all varieties of people, but the thing they have in common is that they cared about me enough to get their hands dirty with my life. To risk their own 'scars' for the sake of my betterment. They have, in ways big and small, 'laid down their lives for their friend." (John 15:13, paraphrased)

It is high time I do the same for my friends.

Engaging = Shared Lives

I was the youth minister at a church once when I was the only minister on staff. They brought in an interim pastor, who really only came on Sunday to preach. During this time, I learned to engage the people of the church in a new way.

I began doing funerals.

At first I was terrified. I mean, I'm saying the last official words (whatever that means) about this person, and many of them I didn't even know. So I set out to learn about them from their families. My goal was always to tell the best story about the person I could, and not lie. I wanted more than anything to see a smile from the grieving- it meant I had somehow captured the deceased person's essence for that person. But in order to get there, I had to sincerely engage those in mourning. I had to let them talk, let them open up, and I had to relate to them. I had lost people, too, and I could empathize with them. For the brief time I spent with these families, we connected. Because I connected with the family, I was able to see a picture of this person who I barely knew or knew nothing of at all. I was there the day one sweet elderly lady was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I was there as the family moved toward putting her into hospice care. I was there the morning she passed away, just hours before her final breath. And then, as I stood over her casket, I looked into the eyes of this family I had come to know. I saw their pain, their grief, but also their relief that her suffering was over.

And more than that, I felt it.

When you engage people, even if it is for a short time, there is a sharing of lives. I still remember that family, their faces, their kind words about their mother, and their smiles. I had set out to serve them in their time of need, but they served me. They showed me a valuable lesson about what it truly means to be in the family of God. They helped to mold me into who I am today.

Around this same time, I also learned a valuable lesson about what happens when we don't engage people. Our oldest daughter was going to be brought up for Baby Dedication- a sort of challenge to the church and the parents to pray for a newborn or young child. There were two families, ours and one other. Remember, I was the only minister on staff... and the interim pastor forgot our last name. And forgot my wife's name altogether. He hadn't bothered to really engage us at all. His conversations to me were more like lectures than actual chats. I found that I responded in kind, closing myself off and not caring to hear what he had to say.

The difference here, and it is important for us all to get this, is that for us to engage people- it has to be a two way street. Don't just try to pry yourself into their life, open yours to them. As you engage them, allow them to engage you.

I was reminded of this period of my life today when I read this article on Relevant's website. It is about how social media is a great tool for us as believers and how to best use it. It countered the idea that our constant status updates are narcissistic by stating that really we are sharing for the benefit of others. We are opening our lives, in hopes that they might open theirs.

That we might develop community.

That we might engage.



http://www.relevantmagazine.com/culture/tech/blog/23025-why-social-media-is-good-for-us

Engaging

How often has this happened to you? You're in mid conversation with someone, maybe over coffee, or in front of the TV, or just in the hall, when you reach a threshold. Do I want to continue the small talk, or do I go deeper? Is this person worth my time, or, more importantly, am I worth theirs?

We spend so much of our time skimming the surface of our relationships, and so little time getting out the scuba gear and going deep. Truth be told, not every relationship can be ocean floor deep, nor should they be. But what of the relationships that matter? Would you really want to marry someone that you only knew a few general things about, none of which were anything close to personal? Would you enter into a business deal with only the barest of details and hint of what is to come?

Some relationships must go deeper- they must be engaged. I strongly believe that the group of people you call your church needs to be a people you engage. Again, depending on the size of you church, depth can't be achieved with everyone, but there needs to be people, fellow beleivers, that know your secrets. They need to know your strengths and your weakness, your struggles and your victories. Not just so they can pray for you, but so they can celebrate with you. I can get excited when 'my team' wins the game, but when I know a person on that team, know their story, I am all the more excited.

Now, there are different levels of engagement, some folks you can tell them when you're having a tough day, some folks you can tell them the specifics, and some folks you call the second things go south.

The "It's Been a Tough Day" Group
These people are in your life, not on the periphery, but actually people you talk with and care about. You are honest with them, and you need to be. If they ask how things are, you know better than to give them a half-hearted "Fine" if they are in fact, crappy. They don't want deep details, but they care enough to pray. This is ideally where the bulk of your fellow Christ Followers will fall.

The "Specifics"
You can be brutally honest with them. You tell them exactly why your day has tanked, and the conversation is deep enough and long enough that you might want to sit down for it. These folks tend to crop up in your smaller circles, like a small group or a class. They expect and will probably ask for what is really going on with you. There is an expectation of, for lack of a better word, confrontation. You are in their life and they are in yours.

The "Callers"
Very rarely, these people come along. If they aren't there physically with you, you contact them ASAP. They are in your top five speed dial positions. They may be family, a lifelong friend, or they may just be that deep, deep connection in your life. Sadly, we most often don't have these. The level of engagement it takes to get to this depth takes a long time and it is not easy or safe to get there. You have let them so far into your life, that they know things few, if any, others know. You've risked a lot in trusting anyone this deep, and they have returned the favor.

The key to engaging others is to be willing to be open, and to be willing to wait and listen until they feel open. We desperately need deeper community within our churches, the kind of 'fellowship' that the latter verses of Acts 2 talk about. Where we, despite our differences, truly engage each other in life. We need that connection to others, and they need us.

In order to grow in faith and maturity, we need to engage each other, and we need to engage God in a similar way- but thats another post for another day.