I Don't Hate You

I don't hate you because you are gay. I have a set of beliefs, founded in my faith and based on scriptures, and these beliefs are that I am a new creation in Christ. It is my identity. In my identity, I follow the commands of my God out of love for Him. He says that homosexuality is a sin, and as so with all of His words, I try to heed that. That means that at the same time I see homosexuality as a sin, I also see no cause for me to judge you. All I can say is what I believe, and then I must strive to treat you as Christ would- not with hate, but with love and a desire to understand where you are.

I don't hate you because you are of a different faith. I respect your devotion to your faith, and would hope you could respect mine. In fact, I believe devoted people of all faiths can teach each other how to be better people- Mormons understand community and charity better than most, Muslims are more committed than most, Buddhists are far less materialistic. The issue for us all is that we believe very strongly that our way is the true way, and in many cases our belief system states that it is the only way. So, until one day when all Truth is revealed, you will continue to share your message with me, and I with you. I will do all I can to be courteous and thoughtful in our discussion, but I understand we may never agree. Ultimately, your decisions (and mine) regarding faith are between you and your deity.

I don't hate you because you are a murderer/terrorist/criminal. You've done bad things. You've hurt people. I do not condone, agree with, or understand your actions. But I cannot hate you, because I am guilty of murder as well. I may not have pulled a trigger, detonated a bomb, or stabbed anyone, but my actions led to the death of someone. My sin created a need for an atoning sacrifice-I had to pay for my sins with my eternal life being separated from God. But someone could step in and take my punishment. Jesus was the only one worthy of making that sacrifice, and He did it, willingly, on a cross. To save me from my sin, He put Himself there. My sins, they killed Him. You and I, we are the same then. We have taken a life, we have done harm. And if there is grace for me, then there is grace for you. If God will show it to you, then I too will offer you grace, and hope for a true change in you.

I don't hate you for your politics. I'll be really honest, politics are cruel. They are almost like the new religion in America. Each side tries to paint the other as a tyrant and evil to core with a hidden agenda for world domination. Maybe it's true. But that doesn't matter. Even if one side has nefarious purposes, I shouldn't hate you. I can disagree, I can even fight aggressively against you, but I can never hate you. It's not always easy, mind you. Sometimes the things said are harsh and cruel and painful. The actions sometimes cut and sometimes attack the values I hold dear. But I must remind myself that the attacks on Jesus, and the quite literal cuts on His Body were far worse. And He offered not words of condemnation, but words of forgiveness. A lesson I try daily to put into practice.

I don't hate you because you're a jerk. You are mean, cruel, uncaring, selfish, and obtuse. I do not like being around you. You, you are the hardest to love. You are hardest to love because you are not distant, not a far-off concept- you are a neighbor, a boss, a co-worker, a roommate, a competitor. I know you personally, I see your face, and I hear your words as they are said- not as they typed in a story or recorded on TV. I see your faults, and I see your intentions perhaps more clearly than any other entity I disagree with. The truth is, I want to hate you. I want to see you fail, to see you caught in your transgressions. The wrongs you commit against me are not concepts and ideas, they are real and they affect my life directly. But I cannot hate you. Because, if not for circumstances being what they are, I could be you. In fact, there is probably someone out there who thinks of me as I think of you. I would hope that those people would confront me, and kindly, gently, enlighten me. I wish that you would allow me that. For as much as I want to hate you, I want to love you. Because love is better. It produces better things, good and productive things. Hate produces nothing but destruction. Cruel things were said and done to Jesus- and He loved even when we were unlovable.

This is the standard I am striving towards daily.

When Forgiveness Does Flow Freely

I know I should, but I just don't want to.

Forgive, that is.

This is new for me. I've been wronged before, I've been betrayed- honestly, I've had way worse things happen to me than the slight I'm obliquely referring to. Every time, I've been mad, furious even, for a day or two and then I forgive, and move on.

But this time, this time I hear that still small voice saying "Forgive, and move on." I know that's right, I know I should.

I just don't want to.

I think that says more about me than the person who hurt me. I mean, I follow Christ, who, even though He knew we would stab Him in the back at the drop of a hat, still invited us to dinner with Him. This guy, who hung on a cross, looked at the ones who physically and legally and spiritually put Him there and said "Father, forgive them, they don't know what they're doing." This Jesus who heard Peter deny he'd ever met the Nazarene, yet still gave him the reins of the Church.

But I can't forgive someone for being poor with communication and insensitive.

How petty have I become?

Not only that, how dangerous is it that I don't forgive? Jesus himself said that if I don't forgive others, why should God forgive me? I'm basically saying I am OK with allowing myself to be in broken relationship with God because my feelings are hurt by someone else.

And that's the point where I realize how bad I've become. Because I am NOT OK with a broken relationship with God. I NEED Him. I cannot endure the trials before me if He is not with me- or rather, if I am not with Him. So, my first step is to ask God to forgive me for being unforgiving.

The next step is to paraphrase Mark 9:24: "Lord, I want to forgive; help me in my unforgiveness!"

The final step to trust the Spirit will guide me to forgiveness, and that I will be tender-hearted enough to finally and freely offer it.

My Thoughts on Bin Laden

I really thought I'd react differently.

For almost ten years now, I've wanted Osama Bin Laden to be brought to justice. Like most Americans, I viewed him as an enemy, a threat to our lives and our philosophies. At times I'd go so far to say that I had a desire for his death to be particularly awful. He was responsible for the deaths of thousands- either by his own hand or by the commands he gave. He killed Christians, Jews, Muslims, Hindis, Atheists. He killed Americans, Europeans, Middle Easterners, Asians, Africans and countless other nationalities. He was as close to monster as a human can get. In many ways, he and Saddam Hussein were our generation's Hitler.

I am glad our soldiers and our government finally got him. In a way, I am glad he is dead. But as I watched the news conferences last night, and the video of Americans reacting, I was not overjoyed, I was not exuberant. I was sad. I was conflicted.

For the families of the victims of 9-11, and before that all the terrorist acts this man committed, I was happy. They got human justice- a violent man died violently. For our troops that have fought this war for nearly a decade, I was proud. For our nation that was seeking closure of a long gaping wound, I was satisfied.

But something was bothering me.

A man was dead. Though I don't know what his final spiritual condition was, unless there was a last gasp of repentance that we'll never know of, I feel pretty sure Bin Laden is in Hell. This is what was giving me pause at first. Then there were the jubilant celebrations by Americans. Then, a verse of Scripture surfaced in my mind.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous." --Matthew 5:43-45

But for Grace, I'd be a Monster, Too
Over the years, my understanding of sin has changed. I've realized more and more my own depravity, my own penchant for doing terrible things. I've not mass murdered anyone, or stolen anything tangible, but I have done things that hurt others. Harsh words, painful actions, and stolen trust. I can be selfish and cruel. I am, by these deeds and more, worthy of Hell. But, I've met Jesus, and I've given my life to Him by accepting His Grace- His Sacrifice in my place. From what we know, Osama Bin Laden never did that. If he didn't, then he is in Hell for rejecting Christ- a rejection that I believe is the root of all the rest of his sinful (and ours as well) actions. A man, doer of evil that he was, is in Hell. A man created by God will suffer for eternity for his choices- and they were his CHOICES. I cannot gloat over this. I am no different from Bin Laden, from Hussein, from Hitler. My sins deserve the harshest punishment. But my choice to accept Christ rescued me from Hell. I did nothing to deserve this and everything to deserve Hell. So I cannot gloat over Bin Laden's eternal fate.

Hypocrisy
Every time Americans die and we see scenes of jubilant crowds of radicals chanting and laughing and cheering 'Victory!' I get pissed off. They spit on the graves of brave men and women who fought hard for what they believed, they dishonor people I esteem as noble. Yet, when we hear of the death of their leader, we cheer and spit upon HIS grave. I was upset by those images much the same way I was upset by the images of the terrorist radicals celebrating. I felt that many of us are angered over seeing our enemies doing the same thing were doing our own happy dance over this. Are celebrations justified? Absolutely. But we must be better than that. I see celebrations like the one the mother of a victim of 9-11 had this morning. She was pleased, thankful, and content- but she was respectful. I saw two gentlemen who lost family and friends in the Towers that day. They were glad he was dead, but somber in their expression of it. I agree with the words of President Obama- "Justice is served." In our human eyes, yes this is true. Bin Laden is in the hands of God's Justice now. Let us be the better people. Let us be respectful.

Praying for the Enemy
I can recall a handful of times that I prayed for the salvation of Osama Bin Laden. To me, the greatest justice possible would be for him to find the errors of his ways and turn to Christ- then accept the punishment due him in this life. Jesus told us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. Then He lived that out when He said from the Cross- "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do." I pray today for the thousands (or more) followers of Bin Laden. They too can know Christ- it is not impossible for God (Matthew 19:26). Make no mistake, these people are our enemies. They despise our culture, hate our Savior, and want many of us dead. Should we then debase ourselves to their level and wish them dead? Or should we rise above that fray, live the example of Christ, and hope for their rescue from a life that leads to Hell?

I cannot tell you what to feel or believe or do in light of this event. I can only share with you my struggle, my view of this historic happening. I am glad for the victims of Bin Laden, for our country, for our armed forces, and for the world that a man who did such evil is gone. Yet I am broken over the fact that Hell awaits all who reject Jesus- be they your neighbor the banker or Bin Laden the terrorist.

With that, I ask that you seek to see this as God sees it. That you soberly look at the reality of our choices. Yes, he deserves to rot in Hell.

But so do I.

My sin made Jesus' death necessary. I am guilty.

But by His blood, I am rescued- that makes all the difference.

I Am Not My Sin

So, last night Kristin and I sat down to watch "Pray the Gay Away" on OWN ( Yep, I am surrendering my guy card for that one.) Basically, the show was looking at ministries like Exodus Ministries that works with Christians who are gay, but want to overcome those urges, and also the flipside to that: Christians who are gay and feel that is just who they are and don't need to change it. The first half hour was mostly about Exodus and a woman with her own ministry/a guy she has worked with for four years. The second half hour was about a camp for gay students where they can be "gay and Christian." In the midst of this pretty compelling show, I noticed something seemed to be recurring in the words of the people: Identity. Those wanting to be free of the homosexual urges and those wanting to embrace them both talked a lot about their identity and the confusion of what to do when their very personal urges conflicted with their very personal- and on both sides, vibrant- faith.

Let me just say, for clarity, where I stand. I believe that the Bible teaches homosexuality is wrong. It is a sin. But it is no more vile a sin than murder, lying, looking at pornography, getting drunk or cheating on your taxes. Being gay does not merit a total rejection from God and a denial of entrance to heaven. Homosexuals are people that God loves dearly, and as His children, we are to love them as well. But I am concerned about the way in which we are trying to make this sin 'okay' and I am concerned with the growing trend to say that "gay is how I was made and, therefore, who I am."

As I was watching the show, God seemed to be teaching me something not just about this particular sin, but all sin: We identify ourselves by it. Think about it, you call yourself an alcoholic if you can't stop drinking. You call yourself a liar if you can't ever seem to tell the truth. You label yourself a porn addict if you can't stop searching the internet for porn. And if you have committed some crime like murder or sexual assault you bear that label for the rest of you life- regardless of what comes after. It seems that no matter who we are deep down, our sins still define us to those around us- and even to ourselves.

Batman Begins has this theme running through it. It is the line "It's not who you are on the inside, but what you do that defines you." In context, it means if you are a good person deep down, but do nothing good, can you really be good? It rings very near to "faith without works is dead." In our world, it seems that it doesn't matter if you believe in Jesus in your heart, we are defined more by our sin and our actions (and maybe our inactions) than what we believe. Clearly, the truth is that what we do does define us to those around us. They can't know our heart, but they can see our actions. The problem comes when we define ourselves by our action, by our sin, rather than by the owner of our heart.

Paul writes in 1 Corinthians 6:9-11 about this issue:

Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor men who have sex with men nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God. And that is what some of you were. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of our God. (Emphasis mine)

As believers in Christ, we are to no longer identify ourselves as these sins. WE were these things, but we are washed, sanctified (made holy, set apart by God, for God), and justified ( made right with God's law) by Jesus. By His NAME. Our identity is to be in Christ, not in our addictions, our urges, our sins or our lifestyles. It is wrong for me to identify myself by my sin instead of by my Savior. To do so demeans the work of Christ.

But what about those who say they are, as Lady Gaga sings today, "Born This Way?"

OK, I'll give you that. While I believe God makes us without sin, we are born into a world that is fallen. Something happens to us when our souls put on this flesh- the Bible often refers to the flesh as sinful, by the way- that warps us. I believe that in the same way some of us are born with natural abilities, we are all born with natural bents to sin. This is not a result of the failure of God, rather it is a result of the Fall of Man. Some of us are born into a lifelong struggle with the bottle or with same-sex attraction. Some of us are born with a tendency toward violence or with a sociopathic lack of care for others. The fallen nature of this world messes us up. But there are millions of people born with these and other urges who daily fight them down- they deny the identity that were born as, repress it as the show last night often said- because they value something more than getting to be themselves.

That is the issue I have with sins that we claim we do just because it is how we are made. If we are believers in Christ, we were unmade in that image, and remade in the image of Christ. We may have been born with sinful desire, but we have been born again to desire Christ. To desire Him more than we desire ourselves. Yes, to even deny our most powerful, and most identity defining urges and longings, if they conflict with the One whose Name we now bear.

Adn when we fall again to those urges- because we will as long as we wear this flesh- we need offer forgiveness to ourselves and to others. I think the current president of Exodus Ministries (himself a man who was actively homosexual but is now married), who got the last word last night, said it best. As the show closed, he was asked if he thought that Christians who were gay would still get to go to heaven. He responded by sayin that yes, he believed that. That though they sinned, God was big enough to forgive them, because what mattered was that Jesus was in their heart, regardless of the struggles they still fall to.

Sexting and the Identity Crisis

It's always something with teenagers.

One generation has the evils of dance and drink. Another sees the danger of drink and drive. Yet another sees the evil of drugs rear it's head. A few years ago it was the predator filled land of MySpace. Now, it's sexting.

Last night, the local news ran a report on this new phenomenon (which, I must add, is not exclusive to those age 13-19). In the story, a mother discovered her 15 year old had created several false social media profiles and was sexting several older guys. So mom calls the dudes up and outs the daughter. Gutsy mom. In the story, the State Attorney General spoke of efforts to pass legislation making it illegal.

This morning, a local doctor who does a 3 minute bit on the local morning show, and whom I'll call Dr. Eyebrows, also addressed the issue. And for once, I agree with him- for a minute or two. He said legislation and potentially labeling these kids sex offenders won't solve the problem because we haven't answered why they do it. He says it is because we don't spend enough time with our kids, that that is the root of it. That's where I disagree with Dr. Eyebrows. Time with our kids is a part of it, but I spent a great deal of time with my parents, good quality time at that, and I still engaged in actions that were not the best for me. Admittedly, I was not the typical rebellious teen at all, and had sexting been around back them, I would never have done it anyway. I still got involved in things that were not the best, ranging from BB gun fights to pornography, and I had very good, involved parents.

I did the things I did because I was looking for identity.

I've long said that the 18-25 time of our lives is about defining our identity. It's that period of time in which we become who are for the rest of our lives. But I would say that the teenagers years is when we first become aware of a need for identity, and so set out to create one.

We pursue sports, recreational activities, the opposite sex, a cool car, a reputation, a group to belong to, an image- all things that give us identity. But this is identity bestowed. It comes from others. Sexting, to me, falls into this area. It is an attempt to attain an identity as sexy or tempting. An flawed identity that says "I am a man or woman because I am sexy." This is nothing new. When our grandparents' parents were terrified of them going dancing, it was because dancing always led to sex, and that is what teens want more than anything. OK, the "always led to sex" part was a bit of hyperbole on their part, but sex being a predominant thought for teens is not too far off the mark. Up until the Technology Age we live in, sex had to be personal. Now, it comes over the internet or through the phone.

And it is still about a teens search for identity.

To be declared sexy means to have identity. To be a 'mature' person in they eyes of their peers. Again, this is identity bestowed, not identity discovered. So, here is my answer to Dr. Eyebrows' suggestion that we spend more time with our kids: Time spent with our kids NEEDS to be time spent urging them to define themselves, to discover their identity for themselves. And we need to remind that while the mask of identity they wear in High School (Jock, Cowboy, Cheerleader, Band Nerd, Geek, etc.) will fade, the scars they receive in pursuit of this temporary identity will not. It is natural for teens to experiment with who they are, but those experiments will have consequences. Habits they establish in the teen years will either plague them or help them for the rest of their lives, long after the nicknames have faded. You can delete that sext, but what you have given up is much more than data.

And really, sexting is not the core issue- it is a symptom. A generation exists right now that doesn't know who it is- just like every generation before it. It is trying things to see if they can figure out who they are. And they so desperately want to be cool and grown up, and are willing to create a false identity (literally and figuratively) so that others will perceive them as such. Because they fail to see the real person they are. Whether it is sexting, or drunkenness, or bullying, or lying, they are all the attempts of a blind person trying to see themselves in a mirror. They can't see themselves, so they act in such a way that others define them. And they live in that definition until one day, often when it's too late, they can suddenly see the mirror for themselves. It is then that they realize they have been living an identity that is not really them at all, but it is too late to undo what has been done. The scars won't fade now

It is a simple answer to say that what people need is Jesus. It is a church answer to the extreme. But church answers aren't always wrong answers. I was able to avoid making most of the big bad decisions in my teen years because I chose to let God define my identity, for the most part. I struggled with then, and struggle with now, the issue of pornography because I didn't, in those formative years, let God define that part of me. I didn't drink or do drugs, I didn't drive recklessly- even when I had a Firebird. I had a better idea of who I was in High School because I had Jesus leading me to those answers instead of letting other identity challenged teens give me a name. I still was blown away by how little I knew of myself when I got to college, but I had way fewer scars than many of my friends. But there is not a day goes by that I don't wish I had given over to Jesus that sexual part of my identity that was scarred by the images I saw. If I had only trusted Him totally, I could have spared so much anguish.

Now imagine the feeling of a teen who got lost in the false identity given through "teenage indiscretions" like sexting or beer parties or hookups or bullying. The choices teens make will define them, long after they have grown up and tried so hard to let the world see them as they really are. Those choices may be see by everyone, like when there is a teenage pregnancy or a drunk driving collision. Or they may be private like pornography. But they are there. In our hearts. In our minds. They are the nagging little things that won't let go, no matter how hard we try to get away. No matter how much we want them to fade.

If you're young, make wise decisions and seek your identity from the One who actually matters. If you're old, know that the One who actually matters forgives us for our failures- the old ones and the new ones. In Jesus, we have a new chance. A new hope.

Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the one who is victorious, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give that person a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to the one who receives it. --Revelation 2:17

Flag Football Grace

Today I am sore.

It takes great pains to lift my legs when walking. Rising from my chair requires a groan and many wobbles. I have a finger that is a lovely shade of purple.

This is all because, yesterday, I played flag football with our church. This translates into three people over the age of 30 playing with and against nine people under the age of 25. Six years makes a great deal of difference. I learned this among much other vitally important stuff.

For one, I learned that coordination at 31 is not what it was at 21. I learned that when the momentum of the upper body exceeds the terminal velocity of the lower body, one can enter into a "head skid." I learned that after falling on the ground, rolling is an excellent way to prevent your flags from being pulled- but it is not a legal way to gain yards. I learned that one's wife will, on instinct, trip you to prevent you from sacking her teammate. Lastly, I was reminded of what if feels like to be trapped.

I got to quarterback a few times, and each time, a rush came at me. What often happened was the rushers simply pushed the defenders back with them, so anywhere from three to five people were suddenly all in my space, with no way out. Running around it wasn't an option all that often (see the above mentioned age difference), so you often had to through up a hopeful pass or take the sack. Fortunately, we were playing flag football. Mostly. ( See above mentioned wife defensive strategy.)

It's one thing to feel trapped in a friendly flag football game. It's a totally different kind of trapped when you feel attacked- physically, spiritually, or emotionally. For me, the trapped feeling comes in one of two ways most often: from increased stress or from sin. Usually, they eventually tag team me.

I've felt trapped lately. Temptations rise around me like a defensive line going for the sack. The walls close in and I feel trapped, I can't see a way out of them. I can run for a bit, but I grow tired and the assailants don't. I look for a way out, but the added stress makes me question every decision, every way out is shut down by my feeling of oppression. The loss I take is much more deadly than taking a couple yards for a sack.

Praying the other day, I felt it impressed upon me to read Psalm 40. It's the one that starts out talking about waiting patiently for the Lord, then Him hearing the cry. U2 made a song about it:


In the middle of the Psalm, comes a plea. It comes from the depths of the man, of David who is no stranger to heart wrenching failure and oppression.

11 Do not withhold your mercy from me, LORD;
may your love and faithfulness always protect me.
12 For troubles without number surround me;
my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see.
They are more than the hairs of my head,
and my heart fails within me.
13 Be pleased to save me, LORD;
come quickly, LORD, to help me.

So often, it feels our heart fails. We know what is right, we know what is good. We know what hurts God, hurts those we love, hurts ourselves. But we grow weak in the moment. We give a little ground, and the sin takes the field in a stunning blitz we weren't prepared for. Our troubles overtake us, our sins overwhelm us and we can no longer see our salvation. So, in our moment of desperation, we throw up a prayer blindly. We hope it will find it's intended target before we take the sack. We can't see Him out there, we just hope He is 'pleased to save me.'

I don't know how He does it. I don't know why and definitely not when He does it. But He saves us. Not just that first time when we first meet Him, but daily. He does hear us, and though His answer is not always immediate, He does rescue us. HE snatches our plea for rescue from the air and brings it down securely in His possession. Then He helps us.

He calms us if we will listen for Him and wait for Him. He heals us if we are willing to forgive ourselves for getting into the mess in the first place. He restores us if we are willing to shed the sin that has grown painfully into our skin. And make no mistake, ridding our lives of sin will hurt. Maybe it's the mild removal of a splinter kind of hurt, maybe it's an amputation kind of hurt. Either way, removing a sin that has become a part of you would kill you- if you weren't already dead to sin but alive in Christ (Romans 6:11).

My soreness today reminds of a good memory- a great game with good friends. The soreness of sin however reminds us of how quickly we can get lost in the old us. If only we would remember the pain of sin when in the midst of pursuing it again. There is another ache, however, that rises when we perpetually return to our old sins. It is the ache of longing for God. The ache of losing sight of Him, of broken relations with Him. Of a heart that has failed.

Sin leads to death. Death comes from a heart that has failed- both physically and spiritually.

So if your heart is failing, your options for escape have faded away or you've given up on them, lift your eyes to patch of sky that is still visible in your haze. It's there, trust me. Throw your last hope for rescue at it, trusting in a God you've strayed from but who has never left you. It's not logical, it's not good football strategy to toss a blind pass in the vain hope your receiver will snag it.

It's a good thing Jesus isn't like a flag football receiver, isn't it?