When Forgiveness Does Flow Freely

I know I should, but I just don't want to.

Forgive, that is.

This is new for me. I've been wronged before, I've been betrayed- honestly, I've had way worse things happen to me than the slight I'm obliquely referring to. Every time, I've been mad, furious even, for a day or two and then I forgive, and move on.

But this time, this time I hear that still small voice saying "Forgive, and move on." I know that's right, I know I should.

I just don't want to.

I think that says more about me than the person who hurt me. I mean, I follow Christ, who, even though He knew we would stab Him in the back at the drop of a hat, still invited us to dinner with Him. This guy, who hung on a cross, looked at the ones who physically and legally and spiritually put Him there and said "Father, forgive them, they don't know what they're doing." This Jesus who heard Peter deny he'd ever met the Nazarene, yet still gave him the reins of the Church.

But I can't forgive someone for being poor with communication and insensitive.

How petty have I become?

Not only that, how dangerous is it that I don't forgive? Jesus himself said that if I don't forgive others, why should God forgive me? I'm basically saying I am OK with allowing myself to be in broken relationship with God because my feelings are hurt by someone else.

And that's the point where I realize how bad I've become. Because I am NOT OK with a broken relationship with God. I NEED Him. I cannot endure the trials before me if He is not with me- or rather, if I am not with Him. So, my first step is to ask God to forgive me for being unforgiving.

The next step is to paraphrase Mark 9:24: "Lord, I want to forgive; help me in my unforgiveness!"

The final step to trust the Spirit will guide me to forgiveness, and that I will be tender-hearted enough to finally and freely offer it.